It's almost the end of the year already. Again. Heck, time just gets faster and faster as you grow older. It's Christmas, again, and apart from the dismal Christmas decors in restaurants and shops (and Ass dropping hints to what she wants for her presents), I do not feel the presence of Christmas. What's the point, when you don't have a full month of holidays to boot, like when you're a kid?

It's just another public holiday.

Okay, I'm not a Christian. Shoot me.

I've seen so much ups and downs this year. And I can dare say, this year, is probably the most significant year that has molded the most of me today. Growing up pretty much sucks. I never like changes. But changes are what that make you grow up.

And sometimes, you're forced to grow up and think for yourself.

I'm just really glad - that I have JX and my buddies to see me through this tough patch. I wouldn't know what to do without them...

Thank you, for being there. And hurting with me. There's nothing much that can be done, but I take consolation from the fact that you are all there for me. And tried to cheer me up when i'm down. :)

JX, I don't know what to say - I can't stop saying "Thank you" and "Sorry" to you. Thank you for being there for me, at any time at all; and sorry... for making you worry and so troubled and all the inconveniences that I've brought to you. I'm stronger, because of you. Thank you baby... :')

I'll get over this - it's just another phase. But for all the negative things that can happen, they have showed me the people who really care for me. And for that, I'm blessed to have them with me.

The Irony...

of some absurd advertisements...

Why put a Caucasian to advertise for Asian lashes? Zhang Ziyi's an ambassador for Maybelline, no? Why not her? Cos her lashes too short to advertise for lashes? Cos she's Asian?

The most pain in the world has got to be The Itch.

And the worst place to have any part of your body to itch in the middle of the night is the bottom of your feet. Damn freaking it-chay(!!), and damn difficult to scratch hard enough to satisfy the deep itch. And of course, you need to like wake up to scratch labouriously and furiously at your feet, which effectively drives away every single sleeping bug.

The Itch has come to haunt me...

Stupid dum-dum...

It was JX's 24th birthday yesterday. To me, I think 24 is a big thing. Like, it's 2 full cycles of the lunar cycles. How many cycles can you live till you die? The first being 12, when you hardly remember anything. I remember it being pretty sad. It was always the mid-year exams then. I thought it sucks really to have your birthday sandwiched between examinations. No one can really remember because they're too caught up with their mugging, and you can hardly celebrate, even on your own, because the thought of the need to revise is weighing at the back of your mind. I'm all beyond that anyway, but JX's 24th birthday had to be spent that way.

Sucks...

But it's his last birthday to be spent as a schooler.

And we spent the entire day in Vivocity. A place so near to my workplace. (-_-)

A really huge place with shiny slippery floors, bright colours and overwhelmingly blasting air-conditioners. We had a late lunch at Secret Recipe, hung out for a while in the arcade before moving on to the movies. Death Note. He really liked it - "unbrilliant" he said. "We gotta catch the anime!" ...:)

Glad he enjoyed himself.

Cos, I think it is a day of bad service. I mean, ok, it's not anyone's fault that the kitchen of Secret Recipe has only one chef. The manager probably screwed up by not planning the timetable right. But explanations, dear, explanations. Customers were left hanging in mid air with empty stomachs (though not mine's not, otherwise I would have exploded. A hungry Em is an angry Em.) It's sad to see the manager scurrying around and getting bombarded by impatient, angry customers who circled around her. Anymore barbaric, they would be stoning her and skewing her to barbeque.

Ah well.

And then, we were supposed to watch the 3.30pm movie. Happily (with goosebumps and shivers) entered the Artic-like theatre. To find out that the theatre was almost full, and people sitting in our seats. Upon checking tickets, SHIT, we were given the wrong tickets. 12.30pm show. WTF?

Ok, and we rushed to the ticket counter. And Clarence (I remember you, CLARENCE.) was a farking rude attendant. I was courteous enough - knowing that I could be nasty if I want to, but since he didn't serve me before and it was not his fault (I just want to watch my movie, damn it), well, I thought I tone down. But HEY, he dared to show JX and I his attitude, and even reprimanded us, to check our tickets the next time, "Next time, REMEMBER to CHECK your tickets."

!!!!!!!

WHAT? No apologies, NEVER MIND. You still say all those crap shit when it's also the ticketing fault?? All the customer's fault la?

What sorta attitude is that? I just grabbed the tickets and fumed off. Nothing to say because JX, being the nice guy (probably cos it's his birthday and being in a good mood and unaffected), apologized. Or maybe he knows that if both of us blow up, things will turn nasty.

I can't take it lying down. Is it because that both of us are dressed casual, and we looked just like mere students who can be bullied and reprimanded? I could go like, "Excuse me! Don't make it sound like it's just our FAULT! You look like a temp! I want to see your MANAGER! Your attitude is really bad! I want to COMPLAIN!" I mean, I got a few hours to the next show anyways. I can make good use of that few hours to make your life miserable, bitch.

So, in the end, JX tried cheering me up after we got snubbed by the ticket-boy. (GRR)

And it's not all too bad, we sat at the roof of Vivocity, overlooking the waterbay, seeing Sentosa and the Merlion peeking out of the forestry green.

It's been so long we even did anything like that. Hardly any time. Me - working, him - mugging.

We even played $4.00 worth of arcade games. When was the last time we plonked a token into the slot and fired away at dinosaurs and zombies? I can't remember.

It was his birthday, but I felt so happy too. It's like I celebrate my birthday twice a year. :)

NOTHING goes right. Not even walking to the bus stop. Got my bloody heels stuck in crevices twice in the morning. Once - falling into the gap between the lift and the landing. Like, how narrow is that gap. Damn it…And having constipation, again. Shitting becomes a painful pleasure.

I want a new job for Christmas. Or better, a new boss and better pay. That’ll suffice.

I watched Crossroads last night, reminiscing the better days of Britney Spears. It wasn't too good of reminiscing though. I remember cringing, wincing, and convulsing ultimately as the show goes on with non-stop commercials. I couldn't tear myself away from the tube no matter how turnoff the show was. Weird. It is like some warped connection in me - the more I should have moved away to stop disgusting myself, the more I want to stay put and see how bad it could get. It's a sort of an amusement. It's sad, that I spent my Saturday night raising my goosebumps for a good one and a half hour.

There were bouts of screams and yelps too, with "Oh my god" (because the show meant to say that she was a singer, and a good one to add. And singing her *pause* (and N'Sync's) songs for promotion. And she sounds awfully nasal.) punctuated every now and then through the show. It was really quite fun actually. Nacho Libre was a goddamn lousy low-budget show, but it surely didn't illicit such feelings from its viewers.

It's quite sad actually, to see Britney-then and comparing her to Britney-now. She wasn't really that hot in the movie, but at least, she's not in "perpetual pighood". Look at her now... (dismal)

Oh my. She serves as a reminder to me to upkeep my looks even when I become a mother. It's really quite sad to see the big slide. She used to be hot and a sex siren, for goodness sake. Actually... it wouldn't be as bad, if she just donned a T-shirt and jeans on her fugly days.

I wonder when is she going to clean up.

I don't feel good at all. Because it is not my day.

It is not my day, because responsibilities have piled on at work, my boss is returning to work tomorrow (which means more work), I felt bullied that everyone comes to me for everything, my shoulders ached like mad, I was really tired and kept zoning out, and my desk was in an entire mess. And I felt let down by a friend - attitude-wise, behavioural-wise.

In fact, towards the end, I was damn pissed.

Why the hell should I care about anything at all?

"I don't know." "I don't care." Damn it. I should learn to say these things more often. But argh, how to not care??? Isn't there an urge, or a tug inside you, to want to care? Something called responsibility? Oh ya. I doubt these people who can utter such words think that they are responsible for anything that goes wrong.

Or, people just get jaded. Because, they have went through this too. Again and again. And then, ultimately, there isn't just any point in getting upset. You end up, saying "I don't know." "I don't care.", just like the people you despise. Becoming one of those people you rant about during lunch hours to your close colleagues. I needn't learn it?

I need my sleep.

They say that a working life changes a person? I know why now. It's happening to me as well.

When my buddy told me that she has accidentally rebonded her hair, I was... appalled that she did so. But seriously, it's not at all impossible. I had, to my dismay, had encountered such situations before. Hair change disasters.

And I thought, "Oh no. Rebonded hair. On Kay's head. When she has such beautiful, full, wavy hair before!"

I did seriously think that it's going to be quite horrible. Picturing Kay with stiff rod-like hair sticking out of her poor head and all. Stiff hay that stuck out at her head behind her should there be any gust of wind.

Rebonded hair, is the hairstyle that I absolutely abhor. Linking the hairstyle to ah-lians with sharp-end combs sticking out of their pockets, and Fann Wong, isn't really that all good.

And worse still, if you have natural curly hair. And that's why... I really wonder how awful can Kay look with her new hairdo.

But surprisingly, it looks good!

At least the hairdresser didn't fry your hair, Kay. You look nice and er, femininely sexy? Like an indian ah-lian. Which I think is not that at all fugly.

But I suggest that you start saving up some money and do something about the curly roots once they start to show. Fry them if you have to. At least they'll look consistently fried.

Straight-then-curly hair: Acceptable.
Curly-then-straight hair: Unacceptable, not even if you're Christina Aguilera on her wildest days. Period.

Oh no. Ashlee Simpson is getting prettier than her more popular sister. After her nose job.

Or rather, Jessica is getting uglier. And somewhat, ghostly. But again, I never really thought of her as being pretty. She's square-faced and pouts too much, and her eyes looked.. stunned.

Not stunning.

Ah whatever.

I have been groaning the entire day today. So much that I want to slap myself.

"Go HOME!", a little voice in me screeched.

"You just took 2 days' leave last week, remember? And you have so much things to dooooooooooo...................." ...this overpowering voice drowned the little one.

I want to listen to the little voice though. :(

Wehh wehh wehhhhhhhhhhh...

Anyways, friends who are concerned about me after my second dreaded treatment for my back problem - I'm fine. Just bruised on the right of my body - but I was not disfigured. :) Everything's not so bad actually. Not as bad as the first time, cos prolly I didn't expect it the first time round? But this time, they whacked me with a plastic shaped bone cushioned with pink furry cover. Oh, and I was supposed to just grit it as they beat the rhythm out of me.

Don't have orh cheh 才怪.

They even pressed hard into the side of my right boob like they're going to break my rib bone. But yah, I got over that.

It's still rather manageable actually, save for the few times I yelped and screeched for my life as I writhed like a snake on the massage bed.

Really.

Yes, that is my sister - someone whom I can totally hate to the core that I can tear and scream the whole house down, but yet, someone I can hold (somewhat) close to my heart. Afterall, we'd grown up together. And afterall, she can be quite nice, at times.

Don't grow too accustomed to her nice cutesy ways though. (Ya, she can look harmless in that picture - ruffled curls on the side of her head, thick bangs, toothy grin and a cocked-to-the-side head. Wait till she reincarnates to be your sister.)

She can mew piteously on her bed like an abandoned cat sometimes. (I do that too but less often, so it shouldn't be too eccentric.) And then, she'll ask me to "sayang" her. But can suddenly beat me. If she's a cat, she's a crazy one which hasn't got hooked up with any tabby cats after howling a few weeks into mating season.

And then, she'll suddenly turn around to be a cute kitty, purring under her breath, snuggling under her covers.

If you ask me? It's 2 cat spirits at work.

Things are looking up for the both of us - weirdly. I never thought that things could return to how things were used to be. But I remember. Her demonic ways.

But I'm no angel either.

But she greets me cheerfully now when I return home from work every night, which is something I have to get used to. Or maybe better not. If nasty her surfaces, at least I won't be too surprised.

One thing that touched me though - she bugged me for this picture when we first took it last Saturday. And when I finally sent it over, she popped it straight up as her MSN picture, with her nick's message as "With Sis at last". Something tugged at my chest when I saw that.

She's alright, actually - while she's mewing away; till she starts snarling.

My new 'do!

Eh heh heh. Back to my secondary school days. Kay & Ass, do I still look as young and innocent then? Hm???

Never mind if I don't.

But anyways, I and JX went to Pulau Ubin over Sunday and Monday.

Taking a 20-25 minutes ferry ride, we entertained ourselves with the camera. And, we discovered JX has an innate ability - similar to Xiaxue's. The pictures speak for themselves -

We mainly just cycled our way around the teeny island, feeding the mosquitos, while laughing breathlessly at ourselves as we shifted our butts left and right on the bike seats while we cycled up steep slopes.

Needless to say, our butts hurt.

And we definitely lacked the stamina compared to a year back. In no time, we were cycling towards the coconut stalls. Ahh. Cold quenching coconut drink - with silken soft translucent white meat. Darn, salivating as I typed this out.

Yes, we are that greedy. Each of us had 4 - it was a trip on tight budget and we can only have coconuts on this island. Although we felt like puking at the end of it all.

Ahh.. The fleshy white meat! So smooth that I can scoop it up in one swoop! Yum!

I don't really like swamps. They're murky and dark and scary. And Pulau Ubin has swamps everywhere. But, lo and behold - a quarry. A man-made feature, but something that I can imagine some Chinese Wushu heros flying around and bouncing off the walls. Oh ya, it's beautiful. Look:

Oops, you can't see the vertical walls surrounding the quarry but it looks outta Singapore atleast. And actually, we kinda trespassed into it. We went through some hole in the fence and trekked up some mini paths while dodging weird and dangerous looking leaves.

In no time, the stay at Pulau Ubin is over - and everything's back in place. Mundane lifestyle, paper work day in day out. Looking forward to lunches, and then looking foward to getting off work... It's sad, isn't it?

Ahh... I can't wait for the next holiday!!!

"You shit rocks. You're not human!", my sister stated, somewhat amused, as she sauntered out of the toilet that I had let out a bomb not too long ago.

"Oops. They weren't flushed away?"

She shook her head, "They are rocks."

-sob- Rocks. Not pellets, not pebbles. Rocks.

It's not as if I have constipation now, you know. I have the urge strong enough to bomb up the toilet every once a day or two. But... I am starting to fear having to go to poop. Hey, shitting rocks HURT!

And it's not like I abhor fruits and vegetables. I eat them more than meat! I drink water too. How envious am I of those people, who found the food/action which will loosen their bowels and make them shit effortlessly. Bananas, papayas, breakfasts even, another is to expose her belly to wind or the fan, and she'll get the runs the next morning.

They don't work on me though. And let's not talk about food that had gone bad. That's different.

So... I bought laxatives. I saw enema on the shelves - those that you gotta stick into your arse. I looked at the instructions drily, which showed a picture of a man lying on his side with his upper leg brought forward 90 degrees. A full view of the arsehole for the enema to poke in. Ouch.

No thank you. My arse is already sore from the rocks that have to pass through. I don't need more irritation from something that goes the opposite direction.

I moved onto the laxatives - brown bottles of liquids, and boxes of pills. Uh... I don't really know what's the difference. ButI took one bottle of liquid which proclaimed loudly to help constipation (even though I do not have that problem) and which looked kinda... poisonous.

And so... it sits on my desk right now. But I dare not consume it. How bad will the runs be? Will I be running to the toilet every hour? Or... do I have to be home the whole day before I consume the laxatives? If I get the urge, will the urge be so bad that I have to go immediately or else it'll splatter within my underpants?

And of course, it'll be stupid to consume that when I am going to turn in for the day. Can you imagine rushing to the toilet every 2-3 hours when you're sleeping? Might as well sleep outside the toilet. Or worse still, soil your pyjamas and your bed. Yucks.

O-right. Update again when I have my first few spoonfuls of the laxatives then. Which hopefully won't be too awful-tasting...

Oh no. I can’t believe that I COULD be actually a fan of a Korean drama! I always chide at my dad who can watch 大长今like almost 10 times but still can nod and empathize and get all excited when 长今triumphed over the bad people in the end for the kerzillionth times– he’s like a super fan.

And then, the aunty of the era came. And she’s no other than, KIM SAM SOON.

Oh my, I’m just in love with the idea of the odd couple that I can smile at the tube goofily as the show goes on. They’re so… real.

Aw man, so cute. The both of them. @(^^)@

And of course, I love the wicked evil pig!

Oh ho ho... it even flies. :D

Oh well. So, he died. And my dear friend mourns for him.

But I’m laughing my head off. The renowned crocodile hunter – who pried the poor crocodiles’ (who were very much minding their own business) mouths open and stuck his head in, and posed on a magazine cover with a tarantula on his head – was stung by a stingray, to death.

Didn’t mean disrespect to the dead, but I actually found him to be irritating and silly. Alright, what he was doing did propel him to fame and that viewers have to cast him to being ‘different’ and ‘daring’ as compared to other documentaries.

But still, I think it’s stupid. I pitied the animals that were handpicked by him to wrestle or to be irritated. “One of these days, one of them will successfully hurt him by retaliating out of defense or pure irritation.” I thought.

And it was a stingray. (Wahahahhaha!) Not a crocodile. Not a python. THE stingray. “A normally placid species that only deploys its poisonous tail spines as a defense.” And this article on MSN news was saying that Queensland Police Superintendent Michael Keating didn’t find any evidence that he was threatening nor intimidating the said stingray.

-_-

How do you know whether he did or not? Why else did the stingray sting him? And we know that he irritates animals for a living.

And all those laughing yesterday (Alright, I do feel kinda a little remorseful. For laughing. And for his wife and kid.), I had gotten my ill returns. I slipped and fell in front of a bunch of people at the MRT station. A little bruised knee... But… it still doesn’t stop me from putting this blog up! Bwahahaha.

Oh no. I better be careful the next few days.

I've been through hell. Serious.

First, they tenderize your body - the whole damn body. And later, they will rub hard on your body on those tender acupoints, like behind your knees and beside your neck. No matter how you squirm and scream into the hole below you, they will continue doing so. They have so much strength, they. You think that you can actually defeat them, small and petite and almost sweet looking. But, ooo, their hands!!

And then they will punch holes into your body. Like, many many many holes. And they use suction caps to suck out the blood. "Bad blood," they say. "And look, your blood is bubbling." And they continued to toot at my 'bad blood' which they say I shouldn't feel that I've kinda wasted them. They're...... bad, afterall. And after which, they showed me my wasted blood in the suction caps - all dark, coagulated and clotty. Like... period blood.

And they'll tenderize your body again before pressing onto those acupoints again - maybe to marinate me this time. With those holes on my body gaping at them. Squirming and screaming again.

It's so tiring. I just want to sleep. They finally left me alone for a while and to take their break. I just knocked out.

And when they resumed, they asked me to sit up. And they started to press onto my acupoints on my right and I grunted - I didn't want to give in. Weirdly, my entire right body started to heat up immediately and I started to sweat - cold sweat. And then, even weird, I could feel my hands, swelling up and giving out something - like bad air. Like some kungfu show!

It's true I tell you.

And before she moved to my left, I started seeing stars. OOOOO, a fainting spell. I said weakly, "I'm seeing stars and I think I'm going to faint." She took pity on me, either that, or she prefers me to be awake to feel the torture and pain. So she left my left side of the body alone.

And then she proceeded to punch holes on my brows. Near to my eyes.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just closed my eyes, lest when I opened them, I see a sea of red.

And they sucked the blood at my brows. -sob- They disfigured me. One is even marvelling at the blood bubbling in the cup at the side.

They finally let me off, all bruised and in pain. Circles of bruises with many little punctures inside. Like a monk's head. And worst of all, I got two bruises at the beginning of my brows. I looked damn fierce with like, very thick brows. They said I had to return within 3 hours. I obediently agreed.

Which they prepared a tub of hot water and asked me to submerge myself in there for 20minutes. Oh, the cooking time after the marinating.

I stepped in and my wounds start to burn. I yelped and cursed myself. Slowly I got in, feeling like a potato which has holes on it, poked by a fork so that it'll cook faster.

And I almost fainted again when I got out. I survived, but I was like almost dying I felt. I dressed myself, thinking that I am in earthquake. And I walked out the steamed up room groggily. Oh! I saw my torture bed! I slumped onto it and laid there motionless. "What have I gotten myself into...!?" I thought bitterly.

And as I laid there, totally weak and exhausted, I sweated like a pig. It's like, NON-STOP. My shirt got so drenched, it was soaked through. My legs were even glistening from sweat. My face was dripping wet even though I had dried myself previously.

Oh, the torture!

After a good rest, and a kind soul got me glucose water and kept giving me water - for fear to have a dehydrated corpse in their premise I guess. Heh. And then I gobbled some sweets at their reception area. And then I was good to go.

I ached all over. I had actually spend an entire day at the torture chamber. For the sake of my damn back. SHIT. For my damn back, I had to sacrifice some blood and bruises on my face and body. -sob-

It better work. I guess it did - my back wasn't hurting at all when I got up this morning. But again, ALL the other parts of my body were screaming in pain. Kinda in relativity I guess, that my back really seemed to be better.

And... then there's the 2nd dreaded treatment...

And anyways, why the hell is Joakim is still in Singapore Idol??? He now represents Singapore's Top 5 singers when he is tone-deaf!?

If he still stays on the next round, I think I will start voting already. I know I know, it's people like me who curse and swear and complain that Singapore isn't listening but do nothing about it - typical couch critics.

Why wouldn't he step down? At least to show the others that he knows his place instead of being thick-skinned and staying on, like the judges are furious that he's still on the competition already. They should buck up and say "NO COMMENTS" to their judgments towards him. Week after week, he sounds the same and all his words are chopped up like minced pork. Expression looks the same too. And I don't even think he dresses well nor looks good.

I mean, COME ON! He sang "XIAO WEI"!!!! That's supposed to be the easiest Chinese song! And he managed to make it sound like an amatuer just realising that he has vocal cords. Why not sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".

Oh no, Hady please win. If Joakim Gomez wins Singapore Idol - all the voters can go and die.

I SPIT!

Pooi pooi pooi... to Zoe Tay's Imedeen's ad. Lying on a bed (?) with her hair splayed out behind her, with a come-hither look. The pun is damn obvious. Sex sells but huh? For a skincare product? ...

She's really getting old already huh. Signs of an aging star trying to fight for its space in the vast skies with the young twinkly ones.I don't see Jacelyn Tay doing the same ad even thought she's the spokesperson for Imedeen as well.

Oh well.

It was my niece's birthday today. (Oh, Shilin, I do get called "Aunty" often. Cos I am already one when I am borned. And er, well, kids unrelated to me do call me "Aunty" too. ( /_\) ) And her parents were throwing a birthday bash for her at Raffles Country Club. From 3PM to through the night. Like the baby will be staying up the whole time.

What does a baby know about? Like she knows that it's her birthday and she's one year old? Do anyone of us have recollections of our 1st birthdays? Noooo......

So.......... the adults are just ya-ya-papayas.

I don't even really recall any photo-taking.

Dinner was bad - RTC's food was infamously known for their bad food, I just realised. And the atmosphere was plain wrong. The family hasn't met since Chinese New Year and the only reason I went to this bash, was to not make my Dad look bad. This is sad, I know. I don't really quite care for my niece's birthday. Not that she minds me around or not on her birthday party. Hell, I have not even carried or touched her or played with her.

And the adults are like professional gamblers. And they seem to not know what to talk about other than counting their winnings across the table of cards / mahjong.

What sorta celebration is that?! And I felt that they're all so fake, and so courteous with each other - they kinda, sorry to say, disgust me. I mean, you wouldn't be so enthusiastically kind and courteous to your family members, would you??? Come on, you won't even do that to your friends, right? Maybe to your bosses or someone great la. But... hai...

I showed my boredom outright. I almost fell asleep. And I went to take long walks away from the table. I even asked JX to call me cos I was so damn bored and disgusted with their behaviour.

Then after dinner, I found out that I was a lousy bowler. Like - really lousy. I don't remember being that lousy before. My left butt is hurting badly now and my fingers are a little swollen.

Hai..... Lousy way to end a Saturday. :(

A while ago, I was complaining to JX that our dates/outings have gone stale. We barely have the energy to walk anywhere, or fight with the crowds at Chinatown, or time to smell some sea breeze. We somehow or rather always end up lazing around at home, thinking that the weather is going to turn for the worse. And then we'll just watch tv and then sleep in. And then feel grouchy at the end of the day having a perfect day all wasted away.

And I thought, this is NO GOOD! What happened to our sense of adventure? Going to Pulau Ubin to cycle? Taking a foreign bus and alight at a strange place and make our way around? Looking for cheap good food/groceries? Just being out in the sun/open?

So I complained. He listened, and within this week, we had a dinner picnic at Chinese Gardens and a LIVE international basketball match at the Indoor Stadium. HOW COOL IS THAT? (Though it isn't in the sun/open.)

But you know, plans being plans, they don't work out most of the times.

Our picnic, was supposedly to be like, well, relaxing and romantic - but it turns out to be a highly strung up meal eaten quickly and with wide eyes. Because, stupid Chinese Garden wasn't lighted at all.

I know it's kinda silly to still want to have our dinner there, in the shadows; but there wasn't any other place, and we didn't want to waste our efforts having make our way down already (to find in dismay, a sillouette of the tower in Chinese Gardens against the purple sky). There were bunches of people; guys; that we squinted out in the shadows - and we didn't like it at all. (You know, overwhelming numbers and being the group that can be easily succumbed don't make you feel easy... Especially in the dark.) But we still HAVE TO have our dinner there. So we made our way into the Chinese Garden, and found a well-lit concrete ground facing the toilet. And there, we ate our dinner, with our backs facing the romantic pond. We faced, instead, the roads that bypassed us. In case anyone comes by, knocks us out and steal our dinner.

And we updated each other constantly on the shadows approaching us, barely concentrating on what we were eating. How fun!!! It's like some spy game.

After we finished our dinner, we packed and left immediately. A little letdown, but it was the first time that we both laid foot/feet into Chinese Garden, and it was the out-of-the-ordinary-routine that put the spark into place. I left the shadows a very happy girl. :)

And LIVE basketball match on a Saturday night! I mean, isn't this like where a guy first asks a girl out on a date?

"Hey, I happen to have free tickets to this International Basketball match this Saturday night... Let's go together?"

Hahaha!! Cool! And I was anticipating hotdogs - but there were none. But... never mind that.

Summary of the match: Spain won Serbia Montenegro. And they are damn tall la. And there weren't cheerleaders (those I saw dancing out of sync are not counted) and no stupid-looking mascots.

Oh well, I can't wait for my next date!!! :D

Teehee...

One of my buddies (I can't say who cos she is uncomfortable with this respect), has begun and started (for the first time!) dating, and I am truly so happy for her. She deserves in every way to play in the game of dating. The anticipation of the next date, the incessant checking of your handphone (thinking he might message or call), the looking forward of the next outing to just see him, and during the date, a special kinda feeling. Haha.. As I look on whatever she's going through, I'm reminded of what JX and I had gone through. It was nice reminiscing, those dating days. :)

You know, my dear friend, it doesn't really matter if nothing comes out of this dating. Enjoy it for now! At least you're in the field of game. Once you've opened up for it, the next one will come soon enough. If you have no expectations, you won't be disappointed. So take it easy on yourself ya?

If it doesn't turn out good, and you feel lousy, you know who you can look for. :)

As I read today's newspapers on Jacintha's commentation on the contestants' performance, I sniggered. It's unanimous - everyone thinks that she can't judge a performance. And yah, she can't construct proper sentences. And hell, I thought that she was on drugs. You can even see her (slow) thinking as she hesitates in between words.

Move on quickly to Ken please.

And why the heck are Jasmine and Joakim are still in the contest? Don't deny they're rather good-looking la. But I hope that those little girls and boys (who are the only ones unrelated to them and are still voting anyways) can stop their little fingers sending votes through their handphones and concentrate on their singing. Like, up your volume if your tv's volume is faulty. Jay, though I don't really like him, can sing waaaaay much better than Jasmine and Joakim. But he's ousted already.

I mean, come on, Spice Girls' Wannabe??? I was cringing the whole song through - and I know I'm not the only one. Someone should tell them what not to sing.

Okay, I don't deny that I was ever once the teeny bopster thinking that Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys are (actually) cool. *sheepish* But seriously, I know it's hilarious that a person tries to sing a 5-people song, trying to cover all 5 voices as they lapse? Singing for fun and trying to make someone laugh is different from a contest, for heaven's sake.

But again, I watch Singapore Idol for this very reason as well. To see, how these people who know that they don't have the singing capabilities as compared to the rest, try their best to smoke their way through.

Don't they know if they win, they're going to be put against the rest of the idols from overseas at World Idol are something? (Pointless la, seriously. How do you even compare with the big countries - where their entire population can just vote once and they'll be like leading by million or billions. So in the end, only America and China will be at Finals.)

How pointless is my blog?

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Just met Kay & Ass yesterday. So happy to just be around them... And!!! Feel damn happy and excited for Kay la. Awww... :)

Don’t you just want to laugh, when looking at the video of this year’s Singapore National Day song? Because I do. Especially when the video is muted (and on repeat mode) while you’re traveling on the NEL train. I wanted to laugh, because the singer looks like she’s laughing the song through. That’s if you mute the song. She looks like a looney. She looks like she’s laughing crazily at something cos she’s too smiley – grinny, in fact – and her shoulders hitched at every single second. That might be an expression of immense feelings while she belts out the National Day song and hitting those high notes; but you see, it’s muted. That’s why it looks darn stupid la. I kept looking at her scrawny shoulders hitching like she’s laughing – which isn’t really difficult cos she’s in a tube even though she varies her dressing, and that her face isn’t really that pretty to divert my eyes from her up-and-down shoulders. Gimme Tanya Chua anytime. At least she doesn’t look like the tube hanging on her will fall off her chest if she gestulates too much.

I find it hilarious that she gestures like she is Mariah Carey while singing. Haw haw…

And what’s her name anyway? Someone told me but I forgot. But again, I’m not that interested. Hm, but I just realized, that I’ve a blog on her already. HA HA!

I don’t know – if I should feel angry or find the matter amusing. I was actually molested by my cousin. My cousin who is… 4-5 years old boy. He is a very cute cheeky boy. And looking at him while he did his cheeky things, we know that he knew it wasn’t right. But prolly knowing that he’s a kid, he could get away with it?

I mean, he definitely has to know that it was wrong, right? When he smiled cheekily after placing his little hand on my left boob and asked, “Why is there a ball here?”…? And I almost thought that he found it amusing that we got all worked up by his action. We all laughed then, but seriously, I’m beginning to feel disturbed by his behaviour. Cos he tried to molest me more than twice.

First time, I laughed at his naivety after brushing his hand and the matter off.

Second time, I was shocked when he tried to be cheeky with my nether regions.

Third time, I sternly told him not to. But I doubt that it goes into his head???

Man, how to teach kids? Seriously, how do you teach kids to not cross certain boundaries, when they know no limits?

Today is a day where I would very much to go “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…” to everyone.

Because I’m in pain...

My womb feels like it’s eating its way out because it’s the darn time of the month again.

I feel empty inside too. I feel a void, and because of the void, I feel sad. Nothing I can very much explain in words. Maybe the void will eat its way out too, leaving me nothing but just, a void.

Oh fuck.

黑白画映
收拾下自己的心
说给自己听
那黑那白全都不在
那风那梦风吹进我的梦
收拾下自己的心
好让天使听
那黑那白全都不在
那风那梦风吹进我的梦
无力抱紧看着又伤心
偶尔想起我爱你
想追又自己鼓不起勇气
我心中黑白
无力靠近猜测你的心
今夜又会在那里
窗外的风起天下起小雨
我心中黑白的画映
我无力找到真爱
可怜我只剩下空白
找不到靠近的理由
也只能开不了口
静静的我守在窗口
享受这寂寞
无力证明才让你相信
有个傻子在想你
想你和我有一天相遇
我心中黑白的画映
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I fell in love with this song (Kum, sorry, I know you don’t know a shit what was that all about), when I first heard it. And I thought it to be a cheery, happy, smooth song – if love can sound like a song, this had to be it, I thought.

But little did I know that the song was more about being lovelorn and loneliness than love itself. Far from happiness and bliss and bright-sunshiny-days. And the song now is starting to depress me as it plays on repeat mode while I read the lyrics. How silly...

Hell. I took in a (teeny) gasp when I checked on Kum's blog. My dear Kum, that was really quite a big flash picture of yourself with your crooked specs perched on your nose.

I must say to others who had the same experience I did when I saw her picture - Kum looks better in real life. Or - she has better days. And when I made a comparison of her and Michelle Saram, I referred to her better days - minus her spectacles.

Ha ha ha...!!!

But again, Kum just has that thing in her, she can make pictures look ghostlike. I remembered a Sadoko one - her huge (all whites) eyes and bombastic hair - head peering out of our shoulders as we all smiled innocently at the photographer. And there was another - where she stood in front of a fan, loony-hairstyle, and stared at the camera. Picture Perfect.

Hai. That seemed like such a long time ago when we were fooling around with cameras.

It’s the 7th month – the month where ghosts/spirits/’dirty’ things/they-who-cannot-be-mentioned/pontianaks roam the earth (mainly where there are Chinese), amongst the ashes, joss sticks, candles and smoke. While I walked to the bus stop to go to work in the morning – everywhere seems like a war-torn zone. The remains of the fruits toppled all over, scattered ashes, melted wax and remaining sticks of the candles and joss sticks stuck all askew in the grass, burnt grass patches. It’s kinda eerie actually. Especially when the mornings are so quiet in comparison to the noisy clambouring nights before cos of the getais.

Let’s see if the crazy woman from that block still dares to throw her used sanitary pads out of her window. They say that pontianaks pick bloodied pads that are strewn carelessly by lazy/crazy women, and suck those pads dry. Then these women, will fall sick and slowly succumb to death. Hm. It’s most prolly a story to deter women from being unhygienic and inconsiderate. But let’s see. Let’s see.

After watching the 9pm TV show, I really think that Kum looks like Michelle Saram.

I don't know if that's good or bad though. Good cos she looks kinda good... I guess? She is afterall, a star. Was she a model before? And she always lands those rich girls/brats/princesses roles. So... she looks rich? So Kum, not bad to look rich huh? (Or bratty)

But she always gets on my nerves though, she's somewhat irritating. Cos er, she is always acting the bratty bimbo where all the guys fall headoverheels for her. Or maybe it's her Chinese (though it has improved leaps and bounds and prolly better than mine), or her mundane, otherwise known as bad, acting skills.

So Kum, I don't know whether that is a compliment or not. Hee hee.

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Yesterday marked the day JX and I have been together for 2 years! And we baked ready-made-mixture-cookies, which were pretty unpopular among my family members. And we smoked the kitchen. Dismayed to see the oven spewing smoke, we opened the oven, and after the smoke cleared, alas! 6 black corpses of cookies staring bact at us. They're so hard too, they can kill. And then we baked a Sunshine pizza, which tasted quite horrid...? Ho Ho Ho. A day of junk food. Literally, junk.

It was endearing seeing my boy attempting to make a heart shaped splatter of sticky-wet cookie dough though. :)

2 years doesn't seem long to some, but to me, it is like shorter? It feels like these 2 years have passed without me really knowing (how cliche). But so much things have happened within a short span of time. And between JX and me, we have went through a whole array of experiences - sadness, disappointment, jealousy (though I hate to admit), anger, insecurity, thrill, happiness, blissfulness, anticipation... Our relationship developed and evolved. Our lifestyles change and there's a lot of getting used to, and it's probably inevitable that insecurity arises due to changes. We rode it through however, and here we are today, learnt that trust and understanding are key to a happy, stable relationship.

It's hard to keep a balanced relationship - sometimes I give more, sometimes he does. Was it a show that stated that a relationship is like a cha-cha dance? A couple can go back and forth - the girl advances, the boy retreats, the boy advances, the girl retreats. It's all a matter of subjectivity. What matters though, no matter how much you give, is whether the other party recognizes that as an act of care and love. There's no state of equilibrium. And by acknowledging that, I find myself less wanting, and bratty? Hahaha...

In all, I don't know what to do without this boy of mine, I've gone through so much, and he was always there by me. He brought me up, he brought me down, and yet when I was down, he can bring me up. With him, I can feel like a woman, a girl and a baby at the same time. That feeling, is... bliss. :)

Alright, the drama show’s over. I’m back at home, and everything seems happily fine. The next showdown shouldn’t be that soon. I hope.

Went for my first physiotherapy session! Oh, I can’t deny that I was actually a little excited. Excited like... I’m going for my first spa/massage session - that kind of excitement. I think I may be a little weird – that I like... pain? Ah haha... And ya, pain it was! She attempted to flatten me like I’m prata dough and I almost puked up what I had eaten that day through the hole of the massage table. And to think she was striking up a cheerful conversation with me the whole time while I was desperately gasping for air.

Still, I’m looking forward to the next session. Not many patients have such positive attitudes towards physiotherapy I guess. HA HA!

Watched Pirates of the Carribean; The Dead Man’s Chest – and I thought it to be very good!! Not like what Kum has said? I can hardly wait for the next sequel. Johnny Depp actually is one man who looks good with kohled eyes. Not Paul Twohill nor whatshisnamethatlastsingaporeidol7/11advertiser.

And Nacho Libre sucks downright. I can safely proclaim that it’s the worst show I have ever watched. And to think I and my boy caught it on the day it was released. We spent wasted 16 bucks on a show that we just looked at each other half the show and rolled our eyes (cos we don’t get it why there are people in the theatre laughing at all). Haiya, it’s a farking stupid low budget show with all the funny parts on the adverts already.

As warned by Shilin, I didn’t spoil any shows... right? But ya, spend your money on the real Nachos – at least you can eat them.

A Dramatic Life

Sometimes, you go through certain patches of life, and think, "How dramatically sad a life can get?"... To only go through a worse patch than before and then, you eat your own words.

So many things have happened within such a short period of time, that I don’t even know where to start. Should I pen everything down in my blog, and then look at this entry years later, and laugh how silly this shit was?

And I thought that Channel 8 drama serials are plain silly and dramatic. My life could be a drama serial, with Jennifer as a co-star to add some humor and laughter to the audience. (Ah ha ha) And then I could vomit blood at some point of time, and faint – turning around as I fall so that I won’t fall flat on my face (I always find this really stupid when I see pretty and frail female stars fainting but have the energy to turn around so that they lay pretty-face up when they hit the ground or have their loves to catch their falls). And then I’ll be lying on the hospital bed looking I’m going to die and everyone crying by my bed.

OK, I digress. What was I saying?

Ya, my life’s like a stage play. I need not join The Navy in order to be a good movie. Ho Ho Ho.

Within a short period of time, I cried my eyeballs out and moved out of my house with such anger that if I stared hard enough I could prolly kill a rat. But yah, I was on the brink of mental instability, I think. I literally felt driven up to a wall, trampled like a tattered ragdoll. Anger of somebody useless is nothing to be afraid of, actually.

I kept crying, I diagnosed myself to be under depression. My tear ducts were overworked and the sides of my nose were aching like shit. I stopped crying and my anger rose in return. But each time I see my parents, I went soft.

Each time they tried to talk to me about my sister, I went into crazy confused Jean Grey in destruction mode.

But this incident showed me the people around me who were there for me, the entire time. Even my colleagues! And for that, I was so thankful, so touched. The support, the listening ear, the care and concern, and understanding wrapped me up like a security and comfort blanket. Soothed me, wiped my tears away.

And JX – being ever so patient with me, trying his best to cheer me up and wipe my easy-falling tears away, hugging my head to his chest as I sobbed and wet his shirt… I don’t know what to do without him. His family too, is so understanding to not ask me anything but just took me in. I don’t know how to thank them at all…

I felt really sad cos… I saw my parents in raw form, their old and weak sides. And I just couldn’t bear to do anything against their wishes. Even though I am angry.

I’m in a shitty position – caught in the middle of my own anger and willfulness, and my responsibility as a filial daughter.

Anger isn’t good for the body. It wrecks the body up and in no time, the weakest point of my body starts to hurt damn badly. Went to see a doctor and got a referral letter to the hospital for my bloody back but the appointment is so damn far away. My back would have been broken into pieces by then.

Last Saturday night, my boy brought me to A&E cos the pain in my back in the morning was so damn sharp and paralyzing that… that I thought my back has snapped into two. I saw stars and I sat down grabbing my back and clenching my fist. I kept quiet. I didn’t want my parents to know and then worry about me, given the situation right now. So I gritted my teeth and swallowed my fear and managed to put on a convincing enough act for them as I went out with them in the afternoon.

Turns out that I have a crack in my spinal cord (which is supposedly to be normal but the doctor, as usual, would not rule it out as a possible cause to my extreme pangs of pain), I’ve scoliosis, and she suspected that I could have a minor case of prolapsed disc.

Quite a mouthful to digest. I’ve pretty much a shitty wrecked up body. And all doctors alike, exclaimed at my age and complaints of backaches for years.

On medical leave now – which is alright, I could do with a short break with all the happenings. And till this point, my parents do not know.

Everything will blow over, I know. Matter of time.

I’ll just take a step (with a hand at my back) as it comes.

But my dear friends, and my boy, thank you so much… for being there for me and checking if I’m ok. You don’t know, how much it all means to me… :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUM!

Life can only be that good if you have that little blood in your body. –grumble inwardly-

I just had an overdosage of Hello Kitty just by checking out Ass’s blog just now. I spasmed for a little, I think. Though I thought the layout to be better than the previous one. Ah ha ha.

I’m in denial mode – Noooooo… My colleagues from my team are trickling back to the office.

I saw something that irritated the hell out of me this morning. What’s up with some guys, really!? I don’t mean to be racist; but – there’s this indian guy who rushed to an available seat on the MRT, when he was initially standing with his wife/girlfriend/female friend, some distance away from his gleaming beckoning seat. He settled into his seat with a smug/satisfied smirk on his silly face, when I was just standing in front of the then-empty seat, with absolute no intention to play snatch-a-chair with him. I looked up from the magazine I was reading and at him dully, disgusted at his lack of dignity and manliness. Then his wife/girlfriend/female friend stood before him shortly after, looking as if she expected his behaviour to be so.

YUCKS!!!!

Not only he rushed to the empty seat like a kiasu ah-soh (somehow, if he is a kiasu ah-soh, I would have understand), he let his wife/girlfriend stand before him while he sits for the entire train ride!!

Or maybe I’m pampered by JX – JX lets me sit if there is an available seat or that both of us not sit. I’m not saying it’s a right of females to get to sit while the guys stand over them la, but it’s like a bonus to know how sweet they can be and it definitely reflects the magnitude of a guy who graciously gives up his seat to any female – pregnant or old or not!

(Yes, sleep did make the humongous zits go down.)

I just read Kay's blog and apparently she's very offended by an undergrad from the ARTS faculty. And I am offended by her blog. Because I'm from the ARTS. I'm no good in the Sciences. I like Biology, but I can't do Physics nor Chemistry for nuts. And the education system made it in a way that students can only take up Biology with either Chemistry or Physics. I struggled at them when I was in secondary school, so why bother struggle some more in JC? I prefer to write, I prefer reading Geography. I like reading and Literature. My interests are in Arts not Sciences. And I believe in pursuing what I like to study. And not because I think studying something can make me go far in life. Because I for sure, wouldn't want to go work in something I do not like. So why bother make studying a more torturous ordeal? Because I know that graduates often than not work in very different fields in relation to their degrees. And I see my aunt, with a Geography honours degree, working in an Investment company, and earning big bucks. She said study what you are interested in, because work is another matter altogether anyway. What you need is Opportunity in work. Other people may beg to differ and they have their own rights to choosing what they want to do in University, may it be for their interests, or for their future. I don't deny that at one point of time, I regretted studying English and Sociology. Because I do not know where to go, what to apply for jobs when I had just graduated. I realised, in dismay, that my degree is too general. And no company is willing to take you in with just that and without any experience. But yah, I realised, you can climb your way up after you infiltrate into the company. (ok, that's another topic) But doing Arts, either by choice or not, doesn't mean that we're stupid.

I'm not agreeing with the silly girl who offended Kay and her friend by implying that Maths or Sciences people do not know how to communicate or know how to speak fluently or nicely or whatever. That's her own warped way of categorizing people in different faculties. And she spoke with much bluntness and ignorance too. We can't run away from stereotyping. Even in a lecture hall, a lecturer has subcategorized his own lecture-hall-full of students into faculties and said, "Science students are ok. They know their facts because they ask. Engineering students too. They are very technical. But Arts students, they're stupid. They just whacked around hoping to hit one right spot. There's a lot of smoke. They do not question, they do not respond in a lecture." or something to that extent saying that Art students are retards. Needless to say, it got most of us very ruffled up.

No one likes discrimination. And there isn't a need for throwing people into categories in a society. It's always the lack of understanding that spews out such remarks. The silly girl thinks Sciences or Maths students can't speak properly (yes, and that seems really stupid). And for that, it seems discerning.

But back to what Kay has got to say in her blog. Arts students being arty farty. I don't even know what's the real definition of being arty farty. And to admit being ok with Sciences or Maths, makes them less arty farty? Pretend to be arty farty? I don't deny that there are some phony ones. And I do think that my sister is weirdly arty farty. And I couldn't really stand it either. Because she thinks that her taste is high-class, while any who differs from her - well, they're just, plainly tasteless. She speaks with a phony accent too (which she speaks that way 24/7 - so she's prolly getting used to her own phony accent). She huffs at any one who dresses shabbily or has a weird coordination of colours/top and bottom/stripes and prints/whatever. She irritates the hell out of me but she manages to find her own bunch of (arty farty &/or tolerant) friends. So she lives her own. The arty farty, (more) colourful, better world.

I'm offended, Kay, because you're no different from the silly girl to make snide comments about anyone from a particular faculty. Do I think my English is ok? I think I'm ok, I did English for my degree. I somewhat know how the language English originates, I know Singlish is a proper language (though developing). But we do not learn how to speak properly, or with a phony accent, or vocabulary for that matter (there are some students who took up English as a specialised degree, who can't speak English fluently because they're foreigners). Not for any module in the Arts faculty - they don't teach you that. So it's everyone's misconception that Arts students are supposedly to be good in English. They are just the way they are even before they go into the University.

I get mildy irritated with people who think that Arts modules are airy fairy or easy. It might be so, as compared to other faculties modules. But we have theories, we have facts too. Some theories are scientific, some theories are mathematical too. And we represent our Sociological findings with evidences. What do other people know about that?

A few black sheep do not represent the whole herd. In Arts or in Science or in Maths. Or Engineering, for that matter. No one's stupid, it's just that they have their calling in different areas - different from you.

Did I mention ZITS in the last blog???

I have 2 huge zits on my chin now!!!!!!!!!! WTH! Those that look like red molehills! Nothing to squeeze! Those that you think maybe there's something if I try squeezing it, and you try but only send painful tears springing to your eyes and making the molehill look like a mini volcano threatening to erupt. But it won't erupt. But I guess you could keep trying. Till it spurts blood. And you regret ever touching it cos it looks even worse.

Oh, I want to pop it! -screech-

It's just that rush of pleasure and triumph after getting a pimple pop. Better still if the pus shoots out and splatter on the mirror. Bwahahahaha. Then you wipe the gunk off the mirror with a smirk. Or a huge blackhead. Waaa... A war won.

But the zits I have on my chin now are such bores. I can't do anything to them. No picking, no pinching, no squeezing, no scratching. Damn, they're gleaming at me triumphantly and smugly for being able to plant themselves on my chin. Grrr... I just have to... w.....a....i....t...... for them to d..i...s..a....p..p..e.....a....r........

Dya think they'll go away if I sleep early tonight? Maybe they'll shrink.

Hm! Night!

I’ve been having such bad bouts of headaches. I don’t know why. People who watch the World Cup through the nights are fine, why me? The headaches are getting really bad. Pounding the sides of my head seems to alleviate the pain a little…

And I don’t feel like working at all.

Did I say that I love reading “Zits”? Meet the characters.

Wacky. :)

I often walk through a particular block in Ang Mo Kio, with a shiver of terror that went through my entire body. What I had seen around that particular area, either early in the morning, or late at night, was the cause of my horror and nasty images that went through my mind. What did I see exactly...?
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A used pad strewn on the ground floor.

REALLY!.. Oh, the horror!!!

Each time I saw it, my whole body went up in mini-convulsion. Okay, it's not like I have not seen my own before. But what! Thrown out from the toilet window and all splayed out in the public for all to see!! Yah, it has wings, but it sure can't fly for nuts??! The floor even has some weird dark stains which I tried to curb my mind from imagining what could they have been. And more prominently, some portions of the pink sticky parts of the pad have stubbornly stuck themselves onto the ground (and I try not to think that the poor cleaner for that block may have to bend over and rip it off from the ground). **I think it might have been Kotex brand cos it's pink. Whisper has blue pads. The more in use brands are these so I deduce that it is Kotex.

So, I am very afraid that every time I step out of that particular block, a used pad is actually free-falling towards my head. ...EEEEEEE..!!! I even go think, "When I'm on my way to work, she could just have woken up and changing her used sanitary napkin; and when I'm on my way home, she could have just returned home and changing her pad again...!!"

So I tried my best to not walk that particular area which I often see the bloody sight.

That woman must be crazy. Either that, she finds it amusing looking out of the toilet window and see people looking around and above themselves furtively while walking around that block. One helluva inconsiderate crazy woman.

Is there no way that we can track which unit the crazy woman is staying???

I really detest those people who push and shove other passengers in a train or a bus while they shift to the exits, before the train/bus reaches the destination and open the damn doors.

Hey, use your damn brain, if the train/bus is already packed, what makes you think that you'll have the space when you reach near the exits? You only irritate the hell out of the people near the exits because it's already damn squashed up and you just had to snake into the squash while leaving a void behind somewhere. And people do not shuffle quick enough for the irritants to get to the exits.

A few steps ahead of your life won't save much time from your death!!! Like, let the people near the exits get outta the train/bus and you can snake your way out of the train/bus! With grace!

And it's not even just the kiasu aunties who act in this manner. What's the matter with these people?

AND!!! This @#%!+?~#@ JERK in the train stomped on my poor little right second toe (cos it's the longest and prolly sticking out of my open-toe-heels) as he tried to balance himself the moment the train started.

WHAAAAAAAAATTTTT THE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRKKKKKK!!!!

FUCKING PAIN!!! My toes instantly crunched up, my face contorted and flushed to a bright red (I presume cos I felt HOT at once). People around me looked at me cautiously as if they were looking at a pimple bursting to pop.

All my friends, you know why my toenails are perpetually painted? IT'S COS OF THESE STUPID PEOPLE WHO JUST CAN'T STOP STOMPING ON MY TOES AS IF THEY'RE TOO UGLY TO BE TOES!!!

And so, a couple (maybe three now) of my toenails are kinda, black. And they won't grow out, nor drop off.

Back to the train, after I swallowed my yelp of pain, I stared daggers at the guy with ill-balance who caused my toe to throb like it has a heart of its own.

WA!! Don't even turn around to acknowledge that a toe has been stepped! Don't say sorry never mind, not even a sympathetic or apologetic look! FUCKER!!

I cursed at him under my breath as I looked at him stumble away as if he was walking against a tornado, cos he was walking in the different direction of the train's.

I hope all his toes rot and fall off.

And then he would have a worse sense of balance without his toes. Ha.Ha.Ha.

...ARGH!!!

....MY poor toes...

Looks like I got to stock up on some nail polish...

Or maybe fake toenails...

The Da Vinci Code (finally)

"It's not right," I thought. "It's just not right!" I shifted restlessly in my chair and I just felt uncomfortable.

As I looked at the screen, craning my neck to the right, as I was seated right at the extreme left of the cinema theatre (yes, the theatre is still full despite 3 weeks into screening!), I just couldn't find the wrong element that made me so uncomfortable.

And then I pinpointed that Tom Hanks, do not fit the character of Robert Langdon at all.

He seemed rather, flaccid. At least, what I perceived from the book, Robert Langdon was a charming intellect. Balding wasn't in my mind. Tom Hanks could look like an intellect, but er, looking at him in this show, made me relate to the show Cast Away. An intellect no less (how else he would have survived?), having a bloodied volleyball as his bestest friend. Some credit to his creativity too, Wilson-the-volleyball-turned-best-pal had quite a hairstyle. But charming intellect, he fall short a little. Not for Robert Langdon, I say.

So I and my boy started to come up with the possible candidates in Hollywood who could play Robert Langdon's role. Not easy, actually. Not many male stars in Hollywood come across as intellectuals even.

No, not even those who acted as James Bond.

The one who comes the closest is...

Keanu Reeves.

Really! Look, he has acted in Devil's Advocate, in Constantine, and in The Matrix. All are something to do with devils, angels, heaven and hell and for The Matrix, something very out of this world itself. He's perpetually moody and for that he seemed deep. Unfathomable. And in the Devil's Advocate, he acted as a lawyer, quite convincingly. And charmingly. So he could still pull off as a professor. Now, imagine him with spectacles. He can look like a professor! And a charming one to add.

Overall, the movie was rather a disappointment. Nothing that I expected it out to be. Go read the book la. And the movie, I don't know exactly, but it seemed like it wanted to inject some objectivity into the Christianity and Paganism issues. Like it will lessen the controversial part of it.

Too fast-paced. In the show, it was like Robert Langdon's a genius cos the answers just plonked down on him suddenly. Too much luck. A little slipshod, and too much cut-away portions of the story.

BOOOOOO....

I say, the show's a mega-hit, only because it was banking on Dan Brown's controversial book.

*********************************

On the side note, I believe in some sense about the Sacred Feminine. Paganism. And that in the past, people prolly worshipped nature and balance in the world. Because I believe, that the world is created out of balance. There's no one true entity that could exist on its own, and have any true meaning to it. Like, you only know the meaning of happiness, when there's sadness. The existence of male is supported by the existence of female, vice versa. Ying and Yang. Up and down, left and right.

The balance in the world is all off. Our believes in male supremity, all women included, are evident. Women partake activities that predominantly male, like work and politics, and vacate the female roles. Females becoming 'Male'. Male - Egoism - Power - War. Indeed, the downfall of Mankind, will be our very own destruction.

Birthday with my buddies...

A little belated, I know. It's already June, goodness. But again, I would want to look back at this blog decades later. And not wonder where did my friends go during my 23rd birthday.

It wasn't grand or whatever. We had Mac's and then went to Gecko Cafe (or Cafe Gecko-whatever) [ok, Kum has confirmed that it is Cafe Iguana. Erm, I just knew that it was some reptile. Lizard or Iguana. Muahahahaha...] at Clarke Quay to have our Mexican fare and humongous strawberry margarita. Overall it was a cosy feel and we were just enjoying each other's company. And I think we went on talking about jobs as usual.

And then, we went to sit at the 'river' (or rather canal) side. And I supposed that's where the sparklers are supposed to come in. (which I actually genuinely had forgotten about it until they started acting too obviously strange behind my back; literally)

But instead I think they conspired to shock me enough to jump into the river with the aid of some little explosive-sounding white bits that were bought in Malaysia. I don't know what they're called, but I remembered throwing them about when I was a kid, relishing in the loud "PIAK"ing noises that jumped unexpecting passerbys.

And in the end, we were throwing those little white bits around carelessly, celebrating my birthday in a 'loud' manner.

And I don't know which one of us started it, but we thought that we make wishes. And then end them off with a resounding PIAK.

I thought that it was the nice and heartwarming part. Cos as we were reciting our wishes out, it's only when we know what each other was thinking...

Only to have Kum to 'wet' the moment a little by saying if the little bits fail to 'explode' in a PIAK, our wishes wouldn't come true.

-_-

And so we ended up throwing the remaining bits with all our might. Call us superstitious or gullible, but maybe we just didn't want to risk it - for all the important things we wish for.

We each went home; and Shilin and I talked for quite a bit on the way home. Reminisced. How we came about to being 'best' friends. A tad silly but somehow we stayed together that way.

An ending note a tad mushy but: I just want them to know that no matter where all of us are and how busy we can get to be, they remain as the closest buddies that I've ever got and will ever have...

X-Men III

Mission Impossible 3, I have not watched. The Da Vinci Code, I yearn to watch. X-Men, to be out tomorrow, I've already watched!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAA..

It's a neverending need to keep up with the blockbusters that come out every week. (And instead, I wasted one time to watch Poseidon with my family on Mothers' Day. Yes, it's really Titanic-meet-Daylight CRAP!!).

Just almost an hour and a half show, there's hardly any time to build any good base for a war between mutants and humans nor end it properly especially.

Jean Gray becomes The Phoenix (aka Goddess of Destruction, at least in the movie). And her favourite colour is red. (I like her red hair though. Hm.)

Scott aka the Laser Guy, Professor X and Jean Grey DIE!!!

HAHAHAHA!!!! I GOT YOU! I spoilt your movie!!!

*frown* That doesn't go in the comic nor cartoon. But again, there's no Gambit, no Jubilee and what happened to NightCrawler? And I thought that Rogue's other gifts were her great strength and ability to fly?

I always thought that Gambit was cool with his stick and poker cards and red eyes. When I was a kid. But he can't do shit la.

And the new guy with angel wings in this show? DUUUUUHHH... Get your feathers to drop off and slash enemies when you fly or something!

Oh, so late. Time to sleep. I used to think that if I can fly, it will be great, but after watching that guy with wings fly... I thought otherwise. Maybe if I got a special power, that will be to go without sleep. Life's too short for sleeping. But I'm no mutant nor superwoman.

Wa lao. I absolutely could not stand it. The stupid bitch strikes again, but what's new right! Aarrh... She's now acting as if the family's camera is hers, bringing it wherever she goes, and since it's my birthday this week, I only used it these few days, and then what she says?

"Where's the camera? I need it now."

I kept silent for a while and said, "It's with me, with my memory stick. I'll transfer my pictures over first."

I went to get the camera from my bag and then she said, "Oh. The cable is with me, I didn't bring it back."

WTF.

So I grudingly passed her the camera with the family's (and not HERS) memory stick. And just commented, "You gotta charge it. Batt's low."

And she hurriedly say, "You charge it LA!!" while holding out the camera that I've just placed on the table. I frowned, said, "YOU said you need it NOW what!"

"No? I don't need it now. You charge it."

Bitch.

And ok, I took it from her and was going to charge it, and she went on!!! Like, "Why would I need it now... don't know how to charge it..." and said something about "stupid" or something to that extent.

#%!#$^@&!!!!

I flew up and said loudly, "DON'T behave like the camera's YOURS." She kept quiet.

I wanted to say that she didn't even pay a single shit for the camera nor for the memory stick. But she is hoarding it like almost everyday.

"And bring that cable back ASAP." (Why in the first place did she bring it out and leave it anywhere else when it's not hers!? That's the fucking problem with this stupid bitch. And it's not the freaking first time. The other time was the home PC's MOUSE!)

And she muttered some incoherent and irrelevant things which only reflected as a bratty bitch who thinks that everything in the house belongs to her. She needs it? She gets it.

Damn it.

*********************************

All my good mood evaporated into thin air. Faaaaaaarrrrk.

Hai...

I'll blog another time.

I'm 23!!! As old as I am, I actually still stay up till midnight last night (but again which night I didn't?). And count how many true friends I have by those who message me to wish me well. Muaahahahaha. Yah yah, childish I know. But er, I don't have true friends more than the fingers of E.T's hand. (/-\)

Was frantically trying to complete most of my work in office yesterday. And I ended up one of the few ones who left the office late...st. Just cos I am on leave today!!

And my mom messaged me last night while I was still in office: "23 years ago in 1983.. I was still cooking dinner before going to (the) hospital. The next day I was induced and a baby girl was borned. I was happy... So you are the one, my 1st daughter, she is already 23."

That message sent my tears springing to my eyes and I actually cried in the office. I was touched, and I guess my mummy was feeling a little old. I LOVE YOU MUMMY!!! :')

I woke up today and was anticipating an in-bed breakfast. YES!!! JX is cooking for me!!! Ah hahahaha... But erm, I couldn't pretend to sleep. Not till 11AM anyway. He's been cooking my breakfast for almost an hour already. And he is not allowing me to step into the kitchen and kept shooing me away. And so I looked from my room and saw him scurrying around the kitchen and squealing and grinning widely at the pancake mixture in the wok.

-_-

But AWW... he's so cute!! He's cooking my breakfast with so much love and care (and concentration), I'm so touched! :')

And then he kept running in to my room to ask me questions. Hahahaha... -hug-

And now he's using my sense of smell to see if the hotdogs are already cooked in the oven in the kitchen. Hohoho..

I got my first present yesterday, given by Sandy from my workplace. Wow, I didn't expect it, and just before she left the office she handed me a little box and wished me happy birthday. I went, "Wow!!! SERIOUS!!? THANK YOU!!!" and started grinning goofily at my present. And Sandy was saying, "You'll like it!! You'll be using it for sure." I guessed it was perfume cos earlier in the day I was complaining I stink (because the morning was so humid and I was rushing to work, sweating). "No no, it's of good use!" Hmmm...

I opened it later in the night. It's....

Avene Sunblock lotion.

-_-

Hahahaha, can see that there's thought in the present lo. I know I'm dark la, and I'd gotten really burnt once when I was working in this company. The present is kinda funny lo. Then she was messaging me on the hp, saying that I gotta take care of my skin, must maintain the youth now... I am so touched lo... :'D

It's such a touchy birthday.

Will be meeting Kum and Shi tomorrow, I think. And I already know that there'll be sparklers!!! Cos Shi said that my present is only suitable for night. HO HO HO... :D

********intermission********

I've eaten my breakfast!!! Woah.. it was so nicely presented lei!!! :) Baby, thank you!!! Muahh. There're hotdogs, pancakes with honey topping and chocolate topping, a green apple with chocolate topping (yum!) and a glass of orange juice. Woow...

*burp*

I almost forgot how special you can feel during birthdays! Last year I was down with a high fever and was suspected of having a dengue fever, which turned out to be tonsillitis. But can't speak or eat properly. So how to celebrate any shit?

Wa... I feel like a 23-year-old princess! In good mood!

Shit. The long weekend is about to end in 12 hours time. And it's going to be a long draggy Monday all over again. Did anyone mention about implying a 4 day work week in Singapore?

I got a new handphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahahaha...

HEE HEE. (Ya, you can say that I'm a little bored.)

But isn't the phone pretty! A little broad, yes, but flat. They have a less broad version, but that's more expensive by 160 buckeroos. One setback is that when slid closed, the hp has no whatsoever indication that it's even switched on. It blacked out totally, not even a clock analog, or a missed call or a message if I have one. The salesperson said that total blackout is to help save battery cos its life isn't that long. So no screensaver no flickering clock analog.

-_-

Looks like I have to start wearing watches now.

I was always irritated that my previous Samsung phone doesn't indicate on its external screen that I've a msg after I ignored it for a while. And thus I have to keep flipping it up and down. And sooo, after a while, I just couldn't be bothered to flip it back down cos it's easier to check whether I've a message or missed call, when I'm working. And people are always asking me why do I bother getting a clamshell phone. Hey, I didn't know that this would happen. I thought that the manufacturers would know better! At least those in Nokia do?

This new Samsung phone is even worse than my previous Samsung phone.

And it doesn't have any holes that I can hook onto if I want it attached to a lanyard around my neck. So stupid. Ya, no dingly dangling phone chains. And yes, basically, I don't have any way to personalise my new handphone. *$%#(!$%... And yes, the handphone only comes in black colour.

Then you wonder why I bought this phone. Because it's Samsung! (And not Nokia) And the other functions made up for this flaw. (Or that I would like to think so too.) Muahahahaha.

...........................................................................

Happy Mother's Day, anyway! Gonna have a dinner with my extended family and it's time - the younger generation forks out money to pay for the meal.

Finally. It's the long weekend. Why did this week go so slowly even though it's a 4 day week? And the next holiday is in August. AUGUST. Damn it, so damn far away.

Mom's day coming soon and I don't have the slightest idea what to get my mom. I think she would like cash. Hm...

Impromptu meetup with Kum & Shi today. Talk about jobs... again. Kum finally graduating, and panicking being not able to get a job, irritated with her mom with the slightest suggestion that she should be more proactive in looking for a job, just as I was in the past. Shi, as usual, saying that she wants to quit her accounting job and that cos of her job, she doesn't have a life of her own now, BUT the money is too good. So that's why she's still at it now.

But seriously, to work everyday till 9 something? And even on weekends? If I were Shi, I wouldn't have lasted till this long. And I would have justified myself by saying something about having to weigh my happiness and freedom against a big paycheck. First 2 weeks of the month, I would not think much, but next 2 weeks, I would curse and swear that even though I work till so late everyday, but I don't have enough money to spend.

There's no perfect job. Even if it seems perfect at the start, it'll begin to become a routine and a bore. And then, you'll start dreading it. Er, maybe. Cos I was not even in the perfect job in the first place.

I don't even know what's a perfect job. Heck - there's no perfect job. Haiya, what am I saying. Jobs are just jobs. You work, you earn money, you get by. And in no time, you'll retire, with barely any money because you've been paying off debts and loans for cars and houses and everything else. So you'll be happier maybe, to just give up looking for the perfect job for yourself. Cos happy or not, the world still goes round, and what makes the world go round? Money.

Life is so sad...

And I realise that my blogs are getting really mundane and boring... but of course, it reflects my dull life... boohoohooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Time to sleep.

Last night, one of my closest friends messaged me saying that she was clearing her stuffs and came across some things that reminded her of how close we used to be, and then ended off saying that she misses me. That message sent me a pang of pain in my innards and I realised that I was swallowing a lump in my throat as I read the message.

I had been missing Shi & Kum even though we all carried on with our busy lives. I placed a photograph of us all beneath the glass pane on my desk at work, but that had dated back when I was just 18 years old. Even though we were all from different junior colleges, we were still close and kept in contact often. Times at school is somehow different... The feel is somehow different. We can be super busy with our work but we can still manage to find some time to meet up and do silly things. Busy but really happy times. But again, we had school holidays. We grow older, and we lack the energy to do just about anything other than.. work. So we get busy... and unhappy.

I miss my friends, and getting to know that they miss me too, made me miss them even more... And miss the times when we are all schooling...

They still remain as the closest friends that I ever had...

***************************

I'm done with reading The Da Vinci Code. WOW. I'm glad that I had bought the book. It was really a marvel!!!! I MUST watch that movie!!! I hope the show do justice to the story book. Can't wait for its release. Hm. Although it was explicitly indicated that the story's fictional, some parts of me hoped that it is not. Because it's controversial? Maybe! Everyone loves a controversy.

I just love the mysterious and dark feeling of the unveiled parts of history. And the possibility of another truth, another side of the frequently told story. Of course, I know there's no absolute truth. And I've learnt there's no history recorded that depicts the absolute truth of what had happened. (I've always like those lessons in University - "History is just but the relation of events in the past from the perspective of the dominant class..." Oooh!!! That dark feeling! Of the untold side of history burning to be unveiled...)

That's why I like mystery books I guess.

Although I had never liked History (& Kum can testify to that) and never scored in that subject, because I hate memorizing important dates and long weird-sounding names, the mystifying factor of what the present try to derive from the evidence left from the past is a draw. Especially the controversial and open-ended ones.

....ahh... Can't wait till 18th May!!

Was pissed off at work some time back and I was blabbering at top speed to almost anyone how unhappy and indignant I was. Till the point that I find it a little pointless to say it out on blog right now.

But boy, am I pissed. I was kinda glad though - I found out that, in fact, I wasn't the sole person feeling that way to that particular idiot. And so a bunch of us were happily bringing The Housefly down during lunch times, and any one time that he came buzzing around us irritatingly for no particular reason. Somehow, bonding occurs when we have a common enemy. Wahaha.

Grrr...

.................................................

I've watched Take the Lead! And woooah... I wish I can dance that well, man!!!!!! But erm, I also wished I can do Muay Thai Boxing when I watched this particular Thai show. And I'd also wished that I can do Kungfu when I watched Charlie's Angels. And that I have extraordinary supernatural powers when I watched X-Men. Or that I can surf like a pro when I watched Blue Crush. So...... ignore me.

Nice soundtracks though. Makes me wanna daaaance...!!

...................................................

A colleague just left us. I felt really sad, even though I'd known her only for about 3 months. Prolly the reason being that she's one of the lunch kakis of mine, and that she's really nice. And also, that she sits behind me, and when she leaves, someone new is going to take her place. :(

Oh well... greener pastures beckons. So the cows on the yellower side have to let this cow happily go to the juicier grass.

So sad. Mooo...

Sometimes I think, is this really what I really want to be doing in the future? Am I going to be stuck at what I am primarily doing, will I have a chance to venture some more?

Thinking about the future sucks. And there isn't really much of a point cos you don't ever get answers.