Friday, September 30, 2005

life is a four letter word.

what has happened to blogger..

or is just the blogger on my computer that's wanky?

this just has to happen you know. when i've got all the time in the world to post senseless blogs and post pictures.

when i finally got off the mindless job, what have i been doing? these 3 days.. what have i done?

sleep. and just... sleep.

not really an attempt to grasp at 'life' huh.

i don't get to see the sun like i yearn to when i was at work.

why?

cos i have a freaking pain in my back. such pain that i've to support myself getting out of a damn chair. or even, straightening my back. what can i do but to try to stop the pain?

i don't dare to tell my parents.

what caused it? man, i wished i knew more than you do.

what's happening to me?? i'm sick of getting this bouts of back pain. do i have to get used to this? till the day i die? i'm sick of feeling useless and paralyzed when i'm supposed to be at my prime.

i hope this blows over in a few days..

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

bloody blogger

what the heck happened!!!

i quitted

and yesterday was my last day. kinda missing it. tho' the boss was from hell, all my colleagues were great. it's just that bloody drawback. just that mass of fats huffing 24/7 thinking that he's the top of the world because he's oh-so-intelligent.

doesn't matter that if he thinks that he's intelligent. he thinks that others are stupid.

well, no matter. i'm outta that shithole.

only that my remaining 2 colleagues, who are more experienced, are sinking into deeper manure. 1 of them is going into maternity leave soon, yes, she's very pregnant. and the other.. most prolly she's pregnant too. the power of pregnant moms.

3 bloody months. not much of an 'experience' that other employers will be looking for when they look at my resume.

i've learnt a lot anyway. 3 months only but, a lot. it seems that i've been there much longer.

do i know what i want now? compared to 3 months before? not exactly. ok, i don't really fancy 9-5 jobs at desks. but prolly it's just the job. 5 day week! not 6 bloody days. no meetings after work that happen like fortnightly weekdays and fridays & saturdays! a boss that appreciates what you're doing when you're doing it right. and not jump on you when you'd done a wrong. hell, that boss jumped on you even though it wasn't your fault. he said things, but later denied ever saying that. i hope it's Alzheimei's disease.

meanwhile, i'll just take it slooow. relax! watch my expenses. and eat bread.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sunday, September 25, 2005

a flattened chestbox is not a flat chested-box.

o no, it's a sunday night again.

i bloody dread this time of the week. sunday night means it's the end of the weekend. and it means it's going to be the start of a whole new week, and it's monday all over again. and work. and then it's just getting day by day again. hour by hour. minute by minute.

not that i think i will notice the time when i'm at work, tomorrow at least. i can foresee. a very mad me, getting paper cuts from the fluttering papers, my hands in a flurry, my face in a contorted expression.

man, I HATE MONDAYS!!!!

and tuesdays, and wednesdays, and thursdays. fridays aren't that bad. saturdays are best. even though i gotta work.

ok, i declare that i'm going to go strict on my own expenditure. no more buying snacks after today. packed lunches and all! uh, that should be all.

...

that's in preparation to my resignation. soon enough.

to... or not to?

resign, that is.

my colleague who came in with me, has tendered her resignation letter today. before me.

what a messy shit.

i can't resign as yet. i'm going to scour around for jobs, first. before this one kills me.

but how do i look for jobs when i'm at this current one which snuffs out every ray of daylight from my days?

help.

was it not too long ago that i was rejoicing about my employment?

for one, this company has one helluva insensitive lousy boss. the long hours and UNNECESSARY meetings are next. conjure that up together - insensitive remarks targeted at you at unnecessary meetings - and you get a resignation letter. we're all at that brink man.. and this guy, who goes around, saying whether you're intelligent or have any intellectual thoughts at all, chose the can't-be-more-critical time to give his nonsensical comments about us. not like he knows any one of us at all. and not that he bothered trying to know. he just presumes and thinks for sure that he's right. that's the most irritating part. he presumes that you've a sad life and a mundane one - and that explains the dull intellect. yada yada. and the thing is.. he doesn't give you a chance to explain. so, only he has the right to talk, and you just gotta listen to his shit.

i want to bloody quit!!!

Monday, September 19, 2005

do androids dream of electric sheep

one of the (weird) phrases that my sister came up with when she gotta do her essays.

interesting actually.

but they don't dream, prolly they count. but do they sleep? why do they need sleep?

anyways.... it's back to boring old monday again.

i wish everyday is SATURDAY!!!

this saturday's my niece one-month old celebration party. don't feel like going. i've many many nephews and nieces. i've nieces older than me. old enough to be my mom if they marry early. the thing is, they do marry young.

i don't know what i'm blogging about.

prolly overdosage of fruits. i had two apples, countless cubes of pineapples, and an orange.

i stink. i'd gone for this fitness class - for the first time on a monday. punch punch kick kick. feeble feeble.

i only look forward to weekends. that's what keeps me going.. weekdays are.. zzzzzzzzz... nothing but routine.

what am i doing to my life?! i'm wasting it away!

but not like i know what to do to not waste it.

life is such a waste of time? why don't we get to the best part of it sooner.

i realise i don't really sound chirpy now-a-blogs huh.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

the most bloggable thing today

i wore my shirt inside-out the entire day today. and only realised it when my boy told me in the evening.

Monday, September 12, 2005

i hate...

..mondays. sunday nights too in fact.

fish. cos they're slimy.

which means, i hate brinjals and anything in slimy gravy. with the exception of sambal ladyfingers tho.

snails. cos they're slimy too. slugs, worms, yada yada.

people who push their ways into the mrt when i'm trying to step out. i push them back.

rainy mornings when i have to get to work.

cold.

strawberry ice cream. and maybe vanilla ice cream.

long john's silver.

gassy drinks cos they make my throat hurt.

being taken for granted. well, who likes it..

durians and cheese, mozarella cheese, especially in crusted pizza.

being not out in the open and enjoying the sun.

speaking to clients who do not understand me and i don't understand their language either, but insists i help them. hates it even more when they think i SHOULD help them cos i'm in the service line, and speaks in a condescending tone. hello, i may not understand fully what you're speaking, tones are however universal. dumb ass.

my luck sometimes. cos i never get to win anything in card games when there're bets.

people who think they're good looking (when they're not). you can see it in their eyes, and the way they look (down) on other people.

pimples.

my periods.

being exploited.

...myself at times.

(prolly pms-ing right now. grouchy. or maybe it's my work.)

there are more. i realise.

dirty old men molesting women with their hungry lustful eyes. yucks. poke their eyes.

even worse, those that make it really obvious.

flying cockroaches.

morning crowds. it's a time when social distances do not matter to anyone in singapore.

poodles. look like high-class bitches.

sphinx cats. scarily hairless.

spiders.

my back.

medicine. panadols.

milo that tastes like mud.

malt.

buns' fillings.

cream in between biscuits.

cream on cakes.

clowns.

real-like dolls.

it when i recognize a familiar song playing in a shop or at a mall, but can't put a finger to the title.

days when i feel ugly and when i just want to hide.

days.. days like these.. days like today... WHEN I'M FEELING BLOODY SICK.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

a happy family dinner


happy birthday!
it was a really happy dinner with my uncles and aunts and cousins. it has been a really long while.. had seafood ala carte buffet. woo~
we were going camera crazy. and my cousins.. they're just plain crazy. i love all of them!
the young 'uns get a little hard to handle tho'.
look..

they are basically all over the place. i even found that i'd a scratch wound after i reached home. the little girl in pink on the floor was fixated on the anklet and laughing and tugging at the little chain. she was rolling about on the floor, till the waiter said, "the floor hasn't been cleaned for years." that says very much about the hygiene there huh.

i like this the best. we can't see any of the faces here.. but this says a lot about the big 'uns having difficulties coping with the ever giggling and hyperactive little 'uns...

i'll miss them terribly when they go over to shanghai to join their daddy.

the three beauts. wahahaha. this young lady is blooming into a fine woman. getting prettier and prettier.. watching her grow up. i miss her too.. seeing someone grow up can actually make you miss them.. i don't know why.

these 3 are siblings - can you tell? the littlest (with his cheek squashed) is a charmer, shy but really playful and naughty. the little girl in pink looks just like a doll and she likes sticking to me. she's real heavy tho, i barely could lift her up now. the bespectacled one is the big brother - he's really understanding and mature for his age, always caring for his younger siblings. respect.

darn. blur and dark. but the best shot. the tallest one is the brother of the white-shirt girl. the oldest one, next to my sis and myself. all i can say about him is that he likes jay chou and he's quiet. tho we know too, that he likes being in our company. pretty corny at times.

my family.. whom i love and i know, they love me too.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

i think i almost don't blog on saturdays

cos i'm usually always out after my work.

but i am here right now, just woken up from an afternoon nap on a somewhat rainy saturday afternoon. feeling a little stoned.

it's my sis's 21st birthday today. gonna have some celebration over a dinner with my extended family. it seems so long ago that i last celebrated my 21st birthday. but it was actually just last year that i did.. time sure sped by once you're over 21. they always say that.

recently, i get very disillusioned with my life. like, what am i exactly doing? days are going by so quickly, and the days of my life just slipped past very much without my notice. i hardly ever get to see and feel the sun shine down on me anymore. i get frustrated, i feel cooped up like a caged bird. i feel pent up. doesn't help when the work gets unbearably hectic. argh. i hope this is just a phase. maybe it's pms. damn it.

news these days are getting more shocking. just yesterday, a woman's severed head, with long hair, and limbs were found in a sports bag near orchard mrt station. orchard mrt station. what a place to dispose of a body. i wonder what was the rationale (if there was one at all) to dispose a body as such in a bustling place like orchard road. if it was to cause alarm, yes the murderer succeeded. but it's also cos that he/she managed to pull it off at a place like orchard road, it was all the more creepy and skin crawling. it's like.. he/she intended to mock or challenge the authorities. my gawd. i hope it's not a psychotic going around on a killing frenzy, and placing dismembered bodies all around singapore. i wonder.. if it's some sorta linked to terrorism. being so close to sept 11 and all. but yah, of course, nothing is to be concluded.

o man.. imagine being the person who opened the bag to discover that it's a human head. a woman's head with long hair.

i'm now reading a book. stephen king's book. i used to be quite a fan of his, until i decided for more explicit horror and thrill. anyway, i'm reading "the girl who loved tom gordon". it's creepy. it's mainly about a girl who got lost in the woods. and.. ya.. that's it. but reading it makes me feel really alone and freaked out like the little girl. i haven't read for such a loooong time..

hm.. i felt like going back to it now. before i get to the dinner later.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Katrina

well, why are we all working?

look at katrina.

we're slogging our asses off. but we could be dead the next moment. why don't we put our living time in our hands into better use than staying in a freaking freezer 9-10 hours a day?

so what i've money in my account? i might not be able to live to the day to spend it!

Resurrection

since 19th august? that's about 2 weeks?

where did i go to?

nowhere actually. just no freaking computer for me to do any blogging. i mean, yeah, i use the computer at work EVERYDAY, but it's in freaking DOS mode. black and white EVERYDAY. and the pc at home is always hogged. not like i can blog at work anyway.

so many things have happened within these 2 weeks. man, i don't know where to start.

i signed up for classes at YMCA. fitness classes. it's like some sorta package thing.. and there are limitless classes that i can go for. decided to go for it cos they got pilates and it's supposedly to be good for my creaky back. want to go back to archery and to do so.. i gotta do something about my back.

i almost died in the first lesson. how in the world do i know BODYPUMP involves weights and bars. a torturous one hour of struggling with damn weights. oh, the lightest ones.

man, how unfit i am right now.

the subsequent lesson after bodypump was pilates. and it's supposed to be 'manageable'. like, stretching and working on your back muscles. how difficult can that be right? ya right. anything after that damn bodypump IS like bodypump second round. struggle struggle.

i woke up the next day like a big fat brick. i'm aching everywhere and in places that i never knew had muscles. and i was contemplating whether i should go for that day's lessons. afterall, they're slow and stretching classes; they can help alleviate my pain.

the next day, i woke up a bigger and fatter brick.

anyway. at work, someone quitted at my department. very good. that leaves, what? only 4 of us to struggle (yes, struggle again) with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. picking up calls, serving clients, preparation of documents, lodging information to the authorities, updating databases.. and how great. one of the 4 remaining is going off in 2 months for her maternity leave. woo! that leaves me, what? one of the most experienced person in that department. when i'm only barely into this for 4 freaking months?

i'm flipping through classifieds again.

damn it.

but recession is going to set in again, i heard. difficult to get jobs. at least i won't want to risk being jobless. to slog is better to idle.. isn't it? sometimes i don't feel that way. but ya, at least i'm getting that little peanuts into my account.

and then.. there's this big hoo-ha thing about service in singapore. that got the boss going on and on and on and on and on......... about our service standards. HELLO? we'll provide service, IF we got the freaking time in our hands!!! you pushed us this far, we get impatient at every little damn thing. listen to someone complain when we've another irritated person (and getting more irritated at each passing second) in line to complain? oh, we all smile to clients, very good. but we smile fakely? huh? now you're telling us to smile genuinely. ooooh... i'm so happy, it's the start of the month, and wow, it's also the start of the week, and there are countless clients streaming in! come in come in!! i'm so happy!

don't the employers in singapore understand, that in order for service standards in singapore to be good, they have to treat us good!? only then we can be happy to do our work! what are the frekaing conditions at work in singapore? is there welfare? if welfare comes in the form of having meetings every other day and providing us meals, no thank you, i rather have time on my own.

they say singaporeans are not humble enough. and employers blame their employees. come on, bosses in singapore, please wake up. not all singaporeans are proud and unapproachable. in the first place, who are the people you are approaching only? the people who are trying to get your attention, you don't bother, but you haggle after those who are really 'up there'.

and employ foreign workers, for plushy cushioned positions and also for the labourious and menial work. yes, maybe singaporeans pick their jobs, and they don't fancy sweeping the streets of singapore, or sitting outside toilets facing the stench wafting out from their left and right every other day. do, in the first place, do singapore employers have faith in the people from their own country to help them in their business?

it's singaporeans' mentality that anything foreign is good. either cheap labour, or that they're superior. how do you serve people well who looked down on you because you're serving them?