Blank Thoughts

christmas is like, about a week away. and i am hardly in the mood. i mean, i don't look forward to it or whatsoever. so what if it's here, and so what if it's gone? hardly matters.

o no, is it my turn to be the grinch this year?

here i am, at home, finally had my time on the home pc. and... nothing to do. nothing particularly to blog about. how about wrapping up this year for myself?

a little early, but i won't have time later. too busy welcoming 2006, and all the wars and bombs and natural disasters that come along with it.

this year, i would say, isn't really that a fabulous year for me? gotta break out of my schooling rut and earning pennies to get by. family problems, miscommunications here and there, feeling worthless. oh, i guess that's why they have so much of the depression adverts running on TV and put up at bus stops. it's when you review how you've spent your year, and realized, you've nothing much done and you'd wasted a year away. festive seasons make one more depressed if they're alone, or cashless, or both. so they commit suicide. it's true. i think i read it somewhere.

ok back to my 2005. i finally graduated after many many years. but to find myself as lost as the first day i went to kindergarten. transition sucks. more appropriately said, growing up sucks. good jobs aren't easy to come by. or to spot. or available. seriously, i doubt i've spent good time working on my resume since i'd graduated. this is bad.

tho' the natural disasters all over the world has not impacted on my personally in any way, it feels sad that the world is like falling apart, or... not. any place hardly feels safe anymore. places bombed into smoke, places that are washed away by rain and waves. i'll just stay home in my room and wait for the wave to take me away on my bed. actually if the waves can reach 13th stories high, Singapore is very much gone.

and my health was not really that great. plus my back always felt like it's breaking. for this year, i hardly touch my bow. and i forget how it is like to be in archery. is/was it a passion, that i'm forgetting? but i don't like it.. that my bow is collecting dust on my table. i resolve, that i'm returning to it!!

my uncle got posted to Shanghai for his job, and he brought the whole family along with him. and gatherings each week now, are quieter without the 3 littlest cousins. i miss them and i feel sad that we are all missing out a big part of their growing up processes.

and cos i'm working, or was, since i'm jobless now, JX and i had issues to work out with. getting used to each other schedules, trying to understand each other. wasn't easy. makes me wish even more that i'm still schooling and lesser responsibilities. same with K and S, S is always busy now, and K is also busy with her projects. it's much difficult to plan to meet, and we meet much lesser. and friends whom i was closer to in Uni, we didn't really keep in contact, as much to feel comfortable. until prolly recently. somehow, i feel more alone, this year.

good things happen too. my sis and i resolved certain issues, she mellowed... a little. it has been a lousy year for her too, and she has opened up more to me. and me to her. don't know how and since when, we had drifted. and of course, i was happily engaged to JX this year in July. (and with regards to the engagement treats, it'll have to be next year, K&S! tight on cash.) and there was the bali trip i went with K and S around in mid-year. i had fun, but not particularly the same kinda fun like the Clubmed Bintan. prolly it's the international buffet at clubmed that made me think it's way better. but anyways, lucky we visited it then, before the bombing again later this year.

arh.. it gets more depressing, after all these. there are like more negative things than positive things. did someone say that 2006 is going to be worse?