a day alone

i'm getting ill again. and i seriously think that this year.. is the year that is ill for my health. taurean or born in the year of pig. or just plainly for me.

or maybe, simply put, i'm going to die soon.
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well, i dreamt that i was knocked down by a car a few nights ago. and died. it was so real. i could even feel myself floating, like in water, after death. all along, i thought i am going to die through a car accident. and in that dream, i could feel the impact wham!, and immediately, the floating. the weightless feeling.

and then my brain awoke, my senses awoke. i feel the need to go back to my loved ones. and i did. and i lingered around them, my family, K & S, and my boy. initially some who did not know of my death saw me, or thought they saw me. subsequently, i'm just invisible. an absence.

eventually i needed to go. but i pleaded with someone, (i just knew that i had pleaded but with whom?) to have one more week. one more week with my boy. i was granted and i just hung around.. looking on at my family's lives, my boy's life carry on without me, mutely. i couldn't bear to leave my boy. i couldn't bear to leave my family.. i don't want to. the ache in my heart was real. it was still there when i woke up.

and then i had to go, for real. a journey i've to take alone. leaving everything and everybody i loved. i just floated... and floated away and dissipitated into nothingness.

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i wonder.. if it's like this.. after death. it beats thinking that you're going to hell after you die..