a whale of a weekend

on friday, i had some sorta a bbq dinner with my extended family. but it's more like a satay dinner for me. kinda a get-together at the family's place before they move to shanghai. the fun part was when we all sat down and played silly games with the forfeit to drink wine. er..

alright, get to the next day.

we went to sentosa on saturday! that is, my sis, me and 2 other cousins. for once, it wasn't raining, or cloudy.

we played volleyball and frisbee. most of the times we ended up running after the ball, and picking the ball or the frisbee. and cycled around sentosa, which is under construction in many-a-parts (which is stupid).
so most of the times, we U-turned, going back to where we came from. oh, and Qiqi's bike's tyre got punctured at the start. to-and-fro, to-and-fro.

we took a number of pictures when we were at play, and actually, that was the fun part, i thought. Qiqi even brought along a polaroid camera, which was a little kuku. but i thought i was like a crazy secondary schoolgirl once again. cos..

a little dark, but uh, never mind. guess what we are trying to do. and yeah, we were standing on a table. not many people around to gape at what we were doing even though it was a saturday.

on the way back, burnt, tired but still as stupidly crazy. Chonghan, on different wavelength.

i like these two pictures particularly, courtesy of Chonghan the photographer. taken on MRT. look at Qiqi, she looks like she got smashed into a glass wall.

and then on the way home, i met my boy. he had his IPPT, and he almost died from situps. yah, of all things; running - still ok, pullups - no prob, jumping - chicken feet, sprinting & picking beanbags - piece of cake, situps- CRAMP CRAMP!!.

haha..

not that i can do 40 situps in a minute. and no, i don't want to try.

all of us had a good cold bath, and had a good dinner. and then i was reading, while JX was studying at night. the day was like, perfect.

sunday, we were playing badminton together in the evening. awesome.. my uncles and aunt, my boy and i and my sis and Qiqi.. looking stupid at times playing it, but that's the fun part. i think i'm picking badminton up! oo, i want to play it tonight! JX's good at it, so he could be my secret coach. actually, the main point was, my uncles and my dad, they bought 4D last night. and the number they bought came out. wahahhaaha.. so there's going to be a dinner some time soon. wee..

it's going to be my boy's birthday soon!!! countdown: 28 hours & 15 minutes. (i hope it's sunny and windy on wednesday!!!)

happy 27 October.

ever wonder, sometimes, that you need others to tell you, how you are like, before you know yourself?

you are who you think you are? maybe not. you can think for all you want how you are like, but others may not think so. you can explain yourself or say otherwise, that's the most you can do. but if they think not still? what are you going to do? do you still believe what you think, or believe what they say?

so are you who you are? who says so?

and for that question, i'm nowhere going near religion.

My Wonderful Parents

the 'black' and 'white'

a bit cheesy hah? my wonderful parents. sounds like some primary school composition homework. but last night, i was watching some feature show on a magician family. that got me thinking about my own parents.

i decided to blog about my parents, cos i would like to commemorate them. they did, and are still doing, a lot for me. not that i recently got enlightened that all parents are great and yada yada.. i think that when kids grow up, they go either way: they distance themselves from their parents thinking they finally are freed of their reigns, or they grow closer to them, after understanding all the scoldings as we mature and have our own social standards.

i would like to think i belong to the latter.

my mom: she nags a lot, she has incredible mood swings. she always says that she looks horrible in pictures; in this one, i couldn't agree more. she doesn't seem to look prepared at all in any pictures, i wonder why. i think my mom is a superhuman. she has such energy within her, i don't know where it comes from. she works, she cleans up after every slob in the house, nags all day and all night long, and sometimes giving off a nuclear bomb. hell, i'm already a living dead when i work.

my mom adores my sister and me.. my sis and i know, but we cannot help ourselves snapping back when she gets on nagging louder and louder. i think i've mastered the skill of switching my sense of hearing off when her nag switch is on. but she has to love us to nag at us. a weird logic, and something that we have to grow up before we really understand. but yah, do you think anyone will give two hoots about you if they don't bother to open their mouths to talk to you? heck, she even bothers to get ruffled. only people whom she cares can make her do that, no?

i think, the most misunderstood people in the world are fathers. they are the silent ones at home. sometimes they don't breathe a word at home, looking unapproachable. at least, that was when i was young. and no matter how fierce my mom was with me, i found it easier to run to my mom than to my dad. but dad, he still loves his daughters. in a way, that kids only know when we grow up and then find out, how he saved and slogged for us. people often than not pick on things that were not done for them, but have we really looked properly and see what they had done for us? or, what we've done for them? only when i grow up, and my dad talks to me on a more personal level, (prolly cos he thinks that i only can talk sense when i'm an adult) that i know how much he had sacrificed and thought for this family. thinking back, when i quarrelled badly with my mom and crying, he was the one who held my head to his big tummy and said that no matter what, he loves me.

i look at them now, and look how they aged so much. everything droops. i feel sad. what have i really done for them, really? i would like to think i brought joy and laughter to them ever the day i was born, but i'd also brought about much tears and pain. do you look at your parents, see how they've aged and feel pained? maybe that's when you know, that you're finally grown up.

do you have a butt like...

this? hahahaha.. i just couldn't resist taking a picture of this pear when i saw that it has such a beautiful looking butt. before i crunched into it.

it looks a little dimpled though. cellulite.

i wonder if anyone has dimpled and yet, pert enough bums. pert and dimpled don't seem to go together.

by the way, do you know where you can look at the most beautiful bum? it's the biotherm's butt! of course, there are some digital corrections here and there. but it looks like the perfect bum. it has a nice tan, round and pert, and dimple-free! it looks so nice you will wanta have a bite of it.

but like how many in a million will have a butt like that? it'll either be too flat, or too big, or too saggy, or too dimpled, or pock-marked, or even pimpled, or even, HAIRY!!

well, at least you won't have a green butt.

i tried and tried and tried...

but i can't put two frigging pictures side by side on my blog. blardy hell. fark html.

anyways. the most bloggable thing today was that i went for an interview. and my sister tagged along cos she faked being sick and need not go to work. it had been yonks since we both went out like today. after the interview, we were trotting down down and then it started to drizzle. fizzle. grizzle. sizzle.

drizzle.

and then we were draping our heads with my blue scarf.

we looked like siamese twins. there were people giving us weird looks but we even took pictures of ourselves.

we looked ridiculous, especially when we were trying to run across a road, cos the Mr Green is flashing (no! Mr Green, don't be naughty. haw haw.). cos we looked like a bimbo duo, filming an mtv, running in slow-mo with a flying scarf above our heads.

hahaha.

drizzle.

look at that!!

at the advertisement, that is. you know, the one that says "XXXXXXXXX'S XXXXXX. in 28 days, slim your body!" and then at the bottom, "See results in 8 days!!"

huh?

can't they make up their minds in adverts? see that discrepancy? it's like, they think: "28 days! so that our customers will buy more bottles of this! or they won't lose interest if it doesn't show at first." and then they think, "no, let's make it 8 days! then they'll buy it! cos it's fast enough!" and they show their thought processes within a single advert itself. with a local celebrity posing beside the captions, looking worse than on her worst day.

make a guess. what advert is that?

"It's getback time."

..declared Mother Earth. she seems terribly angry this year. "no, it's not enough!" she shrieked. "It's not ever going to be enough for whatever you've done to me!!" An earthquake. The ground rumbled and suddenly, there was an uproar. The earth rised and split up like a baked muffin, and it's filling started jetting out. "It's the end!!!! It's the end!!!!!!" her shrill laughter resounded in every corner of the earth.
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and why people still continue to work their asses off, trying to get by month by month, dreading every morning waking up with a curse upon their lips, and feeling unhappy at their work and workplaces? is this how you would want to live your life, if you know that you're going to die the next day? wasting 9 hours doing something you wish to get out off every single minute you're at it? get home, find that you're dead beat, and then you sleep, to wake up cursing again. how fulfilling a life like that can be..?

i often think now, what life, a fulfilling one, should be like.. yeah, happiness. and happiness can come in many many different ways, depending on individuals. some like to shop, some like to go on holidays. all these need money, so they hafta go back to their jobs. but should happiness be only left on weekends, to shop, to do anything you're happy with? that's sad.

how do you determine what jobs can make you feel happy, so that it goes both ways? i often wonder about that but only to have people tell me that your interest and happiness found in that job will one day just be reduced to boredom and frustration. i even heard that this person rather not have something he likes to be his job, cos it'll kill his interest. huh?

are we stuck in this shithole? no way out of this?

i don't know. i'm fumbling around. i applied for relief teaching. and i was thinking of going into full time tutoring. (how i get the kids, i don't know. gotta ask around) that's some sorta in preparation to become a full fledged teacher. then i was thinking, yah, PE classes, English.. and Art & Craft? subjects i like! and kids, i've got mixed feelings. i like kids. but to play with them, is very much different from teaching them when they can hardly warm their seats for one hour.

try lo?

i was thinking.. since i'm young anyway, take this time to find out. not when i'm old and stuck in a particular industry.

stupid capitalism. if only, prolly all of us are self-sufficient. grow our own vegetables, and rear our own chickens and cows. prolly things will be much simpler.

no, not sunday again.

saw K & S yesterday.. it's been a long time since we all last met up. always feel good hanging out with them and catching up some what. friends like them are hard to come by.. my closest girlfriends. they prolly don't know how important they are to me. even though we went our separate ways since 15 (different classes in secondary 3 & 4, different junior colleges, different universities/faculties), we're still buddies at 22. i don't have many friends. and i don't have a big bunch of close friends. all the more i cherish the both of them. doesn't matter that we didn't really talk for 2 months - we still talk like there wasn't this 2 months gap. they make me feel comfortable in my own skin when i'm with them and they make me crack up. i love them.

it's always nice to listen S prophetize about our future. it's crap, but still nice to visualise about it. cos she visualises it with the 3 of us in it. we being the godmothers of each others' kids. buying each others' kids branded clothes (cos we're the godmoms). going on holidays with each others' families. there is a very nice warm feel to it.

and i met up with my boy last night too. finally. he met me after my meetup with my buddies. i miss him so much! it feels just so right with him holding me. he stayed over last night and i woke up a few times and just look at him sleep like a log. i love to see him sleep. and then sometimes irritate him. but most of the times i just hug him. then late morning we had brunch with my parents. and it's all nice, warm and fuzzy feeling.. maybe it's christmas soon. that's why. heh.

until it's sunday evenings. i hate sunday evenings. even though i don't need to work.

he likes the surprise i did for him. *beams* he said i painted well. it has been so long i used anything like poster colours and paint brushes.. when i took a brush up again a few days ago, i felt like becoming an art teacher or something. maybe i could? art is so nice, it's so carefree...

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p.s.: K & S, don't worry, you'll be getting the engagement treat from me and JX. : P

blogger works! the toolbar is back!

oh oh. i got some pictures to put up. muahaha.

haha. this pretty much proves that i'm very free huh.

the king and queen! haha..

i miss the toolbar so much..

a day alone

i'm getting ill again. and i seriously think that this year.. is the year that is ill for my health. taurean or born in the year of pig. or just plainly for me.

or maybe, simply put, i'm going to die soon.
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well, i dreamt that i was knocked down by a car a few nights ago. and died. it was so real. i could even feel myself floating, like in water, after death. all along, i thought i am going to die through a car accident. and in that dream, i could feel the impact wham!, and immediately, the floating. the weightless feeling.

and then my brain awoke, my senses awoke. i feel the need to go back to my loved ones. and i did. and i lingered around them, my family, K & S, and my boy. initially some who did not know of my death saw me, or thought they saw me. subsequently, i'm just invisible. an absence.

eventually i needed to go. but i pleaded with someone, (i just knew that i had pleaded but with whom?) to have one more week. one more week with my boy. i was granted and i just hung around.. looking on at my family's lives, my boy's life carry on without me, mutely. i couldn't bear to leave my boy. i couldn't bear to leave my family.. i don't want to. the ache in my heart was real. it was still there when i woke up.

and then i had to go, for real. a journey i've to take alone. leaving everything and everybody i loved. i just floated... and floated away and dissipitated into nothingness.

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i wonder.. if it's like this.. after death. it beats thinking that you're going to hell after you die..

a minute of peace for rajah.

although i didn't think the food there was fantastic (nor the wine), i've been there for dinner on my last day in bali, and the ambience was pretty nice (meaning it's just dim enough for me to squint at my dinner). now that it's bombed, there's sadness that i can't explain; prolly "i've-been-there-and-now-it's-bombed". just a mere figment of history. not that i'm going back there anyway, but yeah, it's sad. people lives are lost suddenly. imagine sending your loved one to the airport, seeing him wave happily at you before joining his friends. never will you think that will be the last mental picture of him that you'll have. you wouldn't be thinking that he'll be bombed to bits when he's tugging at a chicken part during dinner.

how sad..

kuta square in bali was the most frequent place K, S and i had visited then. it felt like a piece of the bali memory was blasted too.

reading the report:

"Experts say the group aims to destabilise the region and bring Indonesia, Brunei, Malaysia, Singapore and the southern Philippines under a fundamentalist Islamic umbrella"

(Channelnewsasia:

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/171277/1/.html)

that brings chill to my spine. hey, singapore's in.

i just wonder when.