Me, the Emo Emu

Has been such a long hiatus, I know.

I have contemplated on how to go about blogging on the happenings in the recent weeks without sounding like an annoying emotional blubbering idiot – and I figured, there’s no other way.

Because, I was, and am, very touched! Shi had ever called me an easily touched “emo emu”, but what’s wrong with that? If you’re happy, laugh; if you’re upset, cry; if you’re touched to tears, let them flow! Life’s too short to ponder if you should be displaying your emotions on your sleeves when you’re indeed feeling that. Why make it so complicated when it’s in actual fact, so simple? (Although I’m not advocating a melting shouting showdown with your boss when he pisses you off by calling you back into office to print a 2 page document just as when you are stepping out of the office on a Friday night after a long grueling day, when he could have jolly done so himself. Or... should you?)

JX asked me if I had changed, because of him, from a hardy girl who rarely cries (in his eyes, at least) to a somewhat silly blubbering softie. Like, he spoilt me. But if there was that change in me, I think I should accrue that to having almost kicking the bucket near 2 years back. One day you are leading a plain, if not boring, life, going through the motions, and you were suddenly thrown off the track and straight into the dumps where you lumbered around desperately like a helpless headless chicken, living second by second, minute by minute, day by day; while your spirit and determination wanes. So when you manage to bounce right back, from the dumps, you are bound to appreciate what you had/have; plain or not, boring or not. You will learn to appreciate that what you had taken for granted - simple things - are actually so precious.

And that’s what changed me. I endeavor to live life, and not just plain living. While I don’t exactly mean that I will go bungee-jumping every other day and go round the world in 80 days on a bank loan, I resolve to be true to myself and everyone I care about and live happily as I would allow myself everyday. That is good enough for me. Simplicity is happiness in its own right. Happiness, is all in the state of one’s mind.

So, JX sprung a surprise proposal, but even before he sang his song and got down on his knees to pop the question with the ring in hand, I was long crying. Heck, my tears had already sprung when my besties popped out of nowhere with a humongous bouquet of roses and a rolling video camera. The venue he chose was perfect, it couldn’t have been any other place – the hospital’s chapel. The same hospital that we both were born into, the same hospital that cared for me while I was struggling for my life, the same hospital that saw me relearning how to walk, and the same hospital’s chapel where he had cried silently and prayed for me to return and recover.

And making JX and my besties being part of it all added that extra boost of dramatic surprise – my emotional dial went straight into the dangerous red zone. I was short of wailing emotions.

Although come to think of it, I do not know exactly how I was feeling at that point in time. Shock, mostly, I guess. And when realization hit, touched. The thorough planning to set the surprise up, while he bombarded me with “smoke bombs to mislead my 6th sense”. For the record, my 6th sense was not usually that dull if not for his devious intricate planning.

And I was reduced to a blubbering idiot within mere seconds from an expressionless dull look, as described by Shi. I must have made everyone bewildered with that sudden onset of gushing tears. “Hey, that wasn’t part of the plan!” Me, rooted at the doorway of the chapel, crying, clutching tightly to the overwhelming bouquet of roses. Ha, I got you guys there. At least.

Of course, my answer was obvious. In fact, I thought we were going to do away with the entire proposal works. Everyone whom I cared about and who cared about me, knew how much JX means to me, and vice versa. The ordeals that he stanchly underwent when I ran into some tough patches, the pain he silently endured while putting on a brave and cheerful front before me as I lay on the hospital bed no matter how tired and emotionally exhausted he was, the little stuffs and details which I said or did flippantly which he took note of, the efforts he put in to just make me happy - I do feel, so very fortunate...

It was nice to have the Sisters and some of the hospital staff present to congratulate us and all. Felt a little queer with the photoshoot for the hospital's newsletter though. Got a little sense on how wedding photoshoots are going to be like, and boy, I doubt it's going to be easy.

Ending the day with a high-tea at Goodwood Park Hotel with our best buddies was a very nice touch. Could not have been any other way. It was really great, getting to share my happiness with my girls, just as it was for JX with Nick. It was emotive too, knowing that Nick, who helped JX with his logistics and planning so that JX could keep up with his nonchalant front before me, had a night shift before and hadn’t had much sleep.

I was so utterly moved by the entire setup, the endomorphine hormones went into overdrive that lasted me for days. I actually woke up the next day, thinking that it may be a dream. It was that surreal. But when I realized it’s not, my emotions kicked up again. Yeah, geeee.

Wondering if I should upload the video here when I get hold of it from Shi. JX’s concerned over his cracking voice and singing, while I am just plainly, simply a mess.