BEEBEEBABEEBOOOOOO!!!

do i believe in karma?................ you decide la.

yesterday, i was a good girl. i did all the things i need to do. and then going home on the train, i gave up my seat to an old man. and when a woman carrying her child came on in the next stop, i stared at the woman sitting beside the now-seated-old-man, and made her guilty enough to give up her seat too. so, old man and the woman with kid sitting side by side. i was a good girl. -halo shining brightly-

TODAY, i don't know what the fark happened. instead of a halo on top of my head, it was a big raincloud. went for this medical checkup because the company have to verify that i'm not going to die the very next moment they employ me. gotta wake up rather early on a saturday morning, ok, never mind. clinic bloody crowded - and service was like, bad. stood at the counter, and this woman has very narrow visual scope or what, couldn't see me at the corner of her eye. ignored me... on purpose? talking to her friends, who are not working there, but somehow, are in the counter. i said "excuse me" loudly and clearly, and i think, she didn't like that.

urine test. urinating in a plastic cup, without a cover. and the nearest toilet, is not even in the clinic. i imagine myself staring at the brimming cup of warm urine with such intense concentration as i walk about cautiously, while people around me disgustingly step away in case i start to splash them with my urine happily. the clinic is bloody crowded. in the end, i put that cup of urine, without a cover, into a plastic bag to hide the yellow liquid sloshing around the white transculent cup. no one will think that it's gatorade nor chrysanthynum tea. not in a white transculent cup, not in a clinic.

checkup was ok. nothing spectacular. only more memorable part was prolly that the doctor was trying to flatten my (sore, read on below) breasts as if they were playdough so that she can check if they are lumps. yah, thank god - the doctor's a female. and a pregnant one at that. yes, thank goodness too, i don't have lumpy breasts.

next was x-ray. ok, if i thought that the clinic was chaotic, the x-ray dept was a farmhouse. so many people. and the service was worse. the counter lady wanted my I/C. ok, i whipped out and gave it to her. upon returning it to me, i flew to an empty seat near the magazines. after placing my wallet on my bag, i settled in comfortably, reading the magazines.

when they called out for me, i stood up stupidly taking my bag while my wallet fell to the floor. i think. that's how i lost my wallet. i went for my x-ray then. and then the nurse didn't give me a loose gown/top to change in, cos my top didn't look metal.

"just take out your bra. that's good enough." she said.

huh, but my top is tight! while the other 3/4 girls changed out of their bras and tops, into nice big x-ray gowns, i was facing one corner hugging my breasts. but thank god, the person who helped x-rayed me, was a woman too.

the moment i found out that my wallet was missing, i was in orchard, thirsty and trying to get a drink. and that bloody place i had my x-ray taken was in somerset - the other end. i ran back, and like in a movie, shot my hand through the closing lift door so that it can sense it and open up. but, it went on to kiap my hand. i was like, "haiya! haiya!" and struggling outside, and i'd prolly scared the woman inside with my wriggling stuck hand on the other side. she opened the door and i breathed a thank you, but the only thing in my mind was my precious wallet.

i flew into the x-ray place and frantically scanned the floor with crazy eyes, and the women working there were like "wa, what is this mad woman doing?!" but they offered their utmost help, despite of what i thought of them previously. bad service and all. they tried helping me look for my wallet, while tooting away, saying "oh no, oh dear" - which don't really console me. they asked for my contact number and name saying that they will contact me if they found it... one even asked whether i got the money to get home. frankly, i'm touched. i declined their offer tho', since i was meeting my mom. the feeling was, shit... oooh... nooooo.. felt like taking a knife and stabbing myself in my chest repeatedly.

yes, all the trouble!!! to get a replacement for my IC which will cost 100 bucks, to cancel my bank cards, my pictures with JX... and my co's access card (which i will surely be penalised!!)!! i don't mind whoever who picked my wallet take the money. but gimme back my wallet and cards and pictures!!! boohooohooooo....

well, cancelled my debit card and suspended my ATM card. made a police report before returning home. not like they can do anything la. but at least if anyone tries to use my IC to borrow money from loan sharks... uh, i also don't know what the police can do.

and then my period came (hence the sore breasts). WA KAO. as i sat in the takashimaya's toilet cubicle grouchily, i could feel the dark cloud over my head getting heavier and darker, with thunder and lightning frying my head. ok, my lost wallet and my period seemingly have no connections with each other, but maybe cos of how traumatic i feel about my lost wallet, i started to bleed...... somewhere. sooo.....

i curse the person who picked my wallet and took the money, and most prolly threw everything else into a rubbish bin! I CURSE YOU OK??? I CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

..have been ages that i posted anything on this blog.....

and i am starting to think.. whether it matters at all or not...

i've come to learnt that.. life is never perfect.. never too perfect.. you can't have everything in life..

and someone made a comment saying "nothing is of permanence, everything's temporary, transient.. even your stay in this world will come to an end, sooner or later.."...

it stayed in my mind.. cos of everything that is happening to me...

some will say, that the importance of anything too beautiful or perfect is not in its length of time.. but the time it shone its brightest..

i, like anyone, hope that my life is a beautiful dream that doesn't end...

STILL a dalmation

...or a cow..

and this coming saturday, there's going to be another archery competition. should i even out my tan and worsen the situation or just cover up like michael jackson? i'm still peeling after two weeks. and at the end of my virgin run after many weeks just now, i was alarmed by the blisters all over my arms. and i realised, they're bubbles of sweat under my dead skin. and so i proceeded to scratching them happily, feeling them pop like a pimple or a bubble foam pad.

it's already past midnight.. and of all people to be not home, it's my MOMMY! she went to meet her friend at a block nearby to chat after her dinner and till now, she's not home yet. hm. should i call her to nag at her to return home soon?

life has been mundane.. work work work.. sometimes work till 9-10.. but at least, it's not like my first job.. i was happier busy here, somehow. something that makes me think that i could possibly stay in this company for as long as i would like.

speaking about jobs. have yet to receive any response on the american MNC company after my 2nd interview. the pay's like damn good, at least for me right now. and there are possibilities to venture to other depts for experience and development. sounds good. but still, scary. getting used to the new environment.. hopping onto unknown grounds, forsaking the more familiar and comfortable one. not knowing whether you will fit in there... and if you don't fit in.. you have made the wrong choice.. and leaving yourself with none, or misery if you hang on.

argh.. so do i rather that i not have the choice? it seems much simpler.

that's the thing. when you're jobless, no job offers come your way. and when you have one, suddenly they all emerge. life's a joke.