Cheer me up, it's Monday again.

Stumbled upon a blog by Wendy Molyneux which cheered me up on a Sunday night:

Dispatches From Couples Therapy
By Wendy Molyneux and Jeff Drake

Session One

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, we're going to start with a very simple exercise. Jeff, I want you to fill in the blank. In order to make this relationship better, I could ...

JEFF: Um, listen more?

DR. MANSFIELD: Great. Listening is always good. OK, now, Wendy, I— Wow.

WENDY: Yes?

DR. MANSFIELD: Sorry, it's just that I really like the color of that sweater. It's very nice.

WENDY: Thank you.

JEFF: Yeah, you look great.

DR. MANSFIELD: Nice try, Jeff.

Session Two

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Jeff. Fill in the blank. The best thing about Wendy is her ...

JEFF: Smile.

DR. MANSFIELD: Try again.

JEFF: Eyes?

DR. MANSFIELD: (makes buzzer sound)

JEFF: Sense of humor.

DR. MANSFIELD: The correct answer is tits.

Session Three

DR. MANSFIELD: So let's try a little fill in the blank, Jeff. When I get ...

JEFF: Are we ever going to do anything but fill in the blanks?

DR. MANSFIELD: I'm sorry, did you graduate magna cum laude from Stanford?

JEFF: No, but I was just asking—

DR. MANSFIELD: Or maybe you have the No. 3 book on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list?

JEFF: I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn.

DR. MANSFIELD: I'll say you did. Just fill in the blank.

JEFF: OK.

DR. MANSFIELD: When I get a prostitute, it's because Wendy doesn't ...

JEFF: Wait. I've never gotten a prostitute.

DR. MANSFIELD: Please just do the exercise. When I waste money on hookers, it's because Wendy isn't ...

JEFF: This is ridiculous.

DR. MANSFIELD: You're ridiculous.

Session Four

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, today we are going to try some role-playing.

JEFF: Oh, no.

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Wendy, you are going to be a Wild West saloon girl and I'll be a cowboy. Let's begin.

JEFF: Wait, what am I?

DR. MANSFIELD: You're a monkey.

JEFF: Why am I a monkey?

DR. MANSFIELD: Tsk tsk. Do monkeys talk?

JEFF: Sorry.

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, now, Wendy, come over here and sit on my lap.

JEFF: No way.

DR. MANSFIELD: I'm a lonely cowboy, and I haven't seen a woman in months. How about a kiss, beer wench?

JEFF: OK, cowboys don't say "wench." That's just historically inaccurate.

DR. MANSFIELD: Please pardon my monkey. He keeps yowling. And he's a liar.

WENDY: That's OK. He's cute!

DR. MANSFIELD: No, he's not. He smells. He doesn't make very much money. And, apparently, he doesn't own anything other than cargo pants.

JEFF: That's it. We're leaving.

DR. MANSFIELD: Wait. No! Let's try another one! I'm a priest and Wendy's a choirgirl and Jeff is a stupid fucking idiot.

Session Five

WENDY: So, Mr. Stanley—

DR. STANLEY: Dr. Stanley.

WENDY: Sorry. Anyway, Doctor, we were a little less than satisfied with our last therapist.

JEFF: He broke into our apartment and stole a bunch of Wendy's underwear.

DR. STANLEY: You're angry, Jeff. And that's OK. That's healthy. It's also powerful, manly, and hot.

JEFF: Um, thanks?

DR. STANLEY: Does anyone mind if I take off my pants?

I Love You, Mummy!

Happy 55th Birthday, Mummy!

Had dinner today at Shokudo, Citylink – supposedly to be enjoyable and carefree and all being a Friday, but all I could think was how I could have screwed up my assignment and the 2 long days ahead to be spent in SMU. Mummy, at a go, received 2 necklaces. I and JX got a diamond pendant necklace from SK for her while Jo and Ryan bought her a Risis necklace. Funny thing was, I actually told Jo in advance before they got her present that we had gotten a diamond pendant necklace for her. She heard the word 'diamond' but not 'necklace'. Even commenting, "Wa, diamonds!" And then thought I mentioned a 'diamond ring'. And thought a necklace would be nice to go with a diamond (ghost) ‘ring’. Can’t really quite fathom her thought process but... well. So there it goes, my mom ended up with 2 necklaces as birthday presents from her 2 daughters. Too bad she only has one neck.

But anyways...

Don’t they look cute? Blur cute sotongs. Heh.

But I can conclude that cameras don’t like her at all. She can almost NEVER be ready for any photos at all.

1... 2... (opens mouth).. thhhhreee...
1... 2... (closes eyes)... three!
1... 2... (flares up nostrils).. 3!

How I count doesn’t matter. She would just have sudden weird facial expressions at the count of ‘three’. And it isn’t even intentional. Thinking maybe she would look better normal and ‘natural’ not having to smile in front of a camera, I took random shots of her. Didn’t help as well, as you can see. I just think she has weird expressions every second all day all year.

Jo’s elusive boyfriend. Tadah.

OK, now that I put them side by side, they don’t look really all too alike. Although almost everyone said that JX can audition for “I Not Stupid, Trees (in Jungles)*” - NS version of “I not Stupid” and “I not Stupid Too”. But again, the actor is already in NS. Heck, JX actually looks younger here as compared to this 18-year-old Shawn Lee in Jack Neo’s Production Team who ever ran around in mud without shoes and got caned in school assembly.

OK, this was done some time back:

JX, Madonna??? Jeez, 76%! ...Hillary Clinton??!

Eh hem. I remotely looked like an ugly, unglammed version of Fiona Xie lei. Of course, there weren't comparison of chests here. Otherwise, her picture wouldn't float up. And how the heck I look like Josie Maran (who?), I don’t know.

That’s about the entertainment I am going to get for the rest of the week.

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* - Should I claim that I thought of this movie title first?

2 down.

2 more to go. Maybe not now. Maybe more. Shit. Aaaaarrrgh!!

Please give me the motivation to cling on.

And there goes my weekend which hasn't even arrive yet. (Going to be) Spent on bleary numbers, question marks, blank looks, stifled yawns, overdosage of strong mint mentos and droning voices.

The Bus is Hereee... AHHHHHHHHH!!! (it's a long slow way down)

How embarrassing it is to fall on my knees near a bus stop during morning peak hour. A fortunate thing, I was with my mom. If not, how would I help my pathetic self up, a bleeding knee and a silly hole on my pants?

To be able to cuss and whine about the seering pain and the damn pants to my mom, seems not as pitiable as compared to muttering to oneself as you try to pick yourself up clumsily after staying on the ground on your fours for a while (because no one came to help you up but looked on at a safe distance - gloating that someone else has a very wretched day, feeling better about themselves already), getting over the initial shock that you are, yet again, alone in another situation where you want to jump down the manhole just next to your hand. It did help that my mom was tooting after me and checking if I was bleeding badly at my knees under my torn lousy pants. Took a hell lot of the initial embarrassment away.

I curse my pants – that grey baggy unhemmed pants that reminded me of Dumbo’s ears. I am going to cut you! Half!

Gave me the excuse to shop for a new pair of pants during lunch. That, I am not complaining. What, it’s a very valid excus... I mean, reason.

On the side-note, I don’t know if I’m sado-masochist or what. I kind of miss the feeling of ache and pain. It probably triggered memories of the ache I get from body combat and mere exercise. Crazy? Yeah, I think so. Awch.

Blow me away, it did not.

But he should keep that hairdo!

Hulk with Shaolin Kungfu

Given that Shaolin Girl's producer is Stephen Chow, and its cast is rather well-known, you think it can’t possibly go wrong. And the trailer seemed interesting enough. But... it’s total crap. Despite the numerous Japanese girls. In short skirts.

Read here for review. I can’t agree more with the reviewer. The main actress is pretty though.

boooooo...

The Incredible Hulk, had me covering my mouth most of the times. It’s he who salvaged the day. JX’s most memorable comment whispered in the show was, “I didn’t know Liv Tyler was big. Hulk doesn’t seem that big beside her.”

-_- .. I hardly thought so. But well, remember that she's a very tall elf in LOTR? Ha. Ha. Ha. *cough*

"I hate spinach!!!"

Hulk Smash!!

There's a game for it even. Haha. For all the destructive violent people out there.

You think I should be studying for my course right? I thought so too.

Mrmph!..

Alien. And there's its egg. (Yeuck.) Poor baby. But I think JX will be fascinated by this.

How fucking coincidental.

I saw the repulsive pervert this morning again, in the same bleeding carriage! Three days! In a row! What does this mean?!

He was there doing his own thing again. This time, a distance away from me. I watched him the whole time and was contemplating to request for another guy near her to swop places with her or to warn her.

But this lady he picked was a feisty one. She kept swiveling her head sternly (if you could swivel your head ‘sternly’) to give him dangerous sidelooks. She looked fierce - or maybe it's because of her brows.

He got off before the end of the ride, probably thinking he had reached his limit with her. Anything more, she would probably bite his head (on his shoulders) off and castrate him. He got off at Raffles Place yesterday, and he alighted at Dhoby Ghaut today. Tell me, isn’t this sicko just moving about with the morning crowd and getting his cheap thrills in packed trains during his happy hour?

I think I must do something. Let’s see if I see him tomorrow again.

MRT Pervert

Trains now are more packed than ever and the morning rush hour is so horrendous, as if waking up early is not bad enough. Can’t imagine how it is going to be like when the Circle Line is up. What’s the big fat deal of increasing the frequency of the trains? People would just like to squeeze into the earliest train that could take them to their destinations! The train arrives every minute in the morning, but the crowd just never seems to go away.

Why aren’t MRTs in Singapore the same as those in Tokyo? Tokyo’s ones have the seats folded up during peak hours and will only lay down for its commuters to sit on after 10am. Sure, being an elder, pregnant and/or injured (or all of the above, which you probably shouldn't be heading out anywhere at all) may cause inconveniences. But if Tokyo, with its aging population and all, has no qualms doing that, I don’t see why Singapore can’t do the same too. Such trains can squeeze in so much more commuters and disperse the crowds faster. They also have only-female carriages during peak hours that I think is really damn relevant! Which brings me to...

This pervert I met 2 days in a row during the morning rush hour on the freaking MRT carriage.

He looked disgustingly perverted (yes, I believe that there’s a pervert-look now, after seeing him. He's the definition of pervert). Beady leery eyes behind his glasses, weak chin, slopping shoulders, a twitching thin line-of-a-smile to himself as his lusty perverted eyes feast on the neck and shoulders of this lady who was standing in front of him.

It became all the more apparent that he moved around wherever the lady moved to and stood closely behind her. And the whole time, I had my own eyes fixated on him. When his eyes managed to tear away their gaze from the skin of that lady, and met the coldest eyes I could muster, he realized that I know what he was trying to do. He backed off a little from that lady but only for a little while. ARGH!

I doubt he recognized me from the day before though – PERVERT! He was trying to be funny with me then (he didn't think that I could see him leering in the reflection of the windows on the MRT doors and feeling slight contact with my butt) but I moved BEHIND him when I got the chance. Took a good hard look at him.

I never thought that I would see him the next day. Hey, how suay can I (and he too. I probably ruined his daily fix) get? Same train, same time, at the same bleeding carriage for the second day?

I was really angry during the entire ride. I had racing thoughts whether I should confront him, or let the lady know, what I should say, would he try to be funny to me again, would he kill me, what I should do. But all I could do was to stare at him sternly, hoping that he would just back off and behave himself.

Should I be ashamed of myself? Because, I really felt like telling this creep off. But I’m too much of a scaredy cat who considers too much. :(

JX’s response to this: “You don’t be a kuku and act hero.”

My friend at work said: “Sometimes it’s better to be safer because you don’t know what that guy will do to you if you confront him.”

But... if I were the victim, wouldn’t you have hoped that someone would stand up for me and tell that creep off?

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P.S.: My mom's response (best!): "Take your handphone out and take a picture of him trying to be funny!" To that, I gave a deadpanned look and said, "And what do I do with that picture?", thinking that she probably wanted me to go to the police station and be a righteous citizen by reporting the pervert. She said, "Wait for him to ask you what you were trying to do!"

-_-

And then? But I didn't bother to ask her anymore. Didn't see it getting anywhere.

Extended Sick Idiocy

This person asked in his youtube comment whether those are insect repellents. If only they were.

What happened to the manly expressionless adverts for gatsby? Or the hair that claps? Why the sissification?!