*sigh*

A Whole New Week... again.

JX had said before if he is earning enough, I could quit my job and be a tai-tai/housewife/couch potato/full-time mom/full-time mahjong player/clapper aka mosquito squasher. My condition to him was that he gives me S$10,000 per month as allowance. (Honey, I have written this down. No backing out.)

Sounds good eh?

There are so many things I would like to do if I have that luxury! Writing (The new guy giving me the inspiration is Mil Millington!), painting, setting up a business that can incorporate money and my interests, resuming my piano lessons, and maybe, to be a yoga instructor(?)!

Ass said that I looked like a yoga instructor. Don’t know whether she was being sarcastic or just saying in jest.

Hai. I’ll just stick to reality for now.

Iron Man!!

Surprisingly, I found this movie to be good! I find it quite real lei. I thought no superhero will come close to clever spidey in terms of intelligence. Nimbleness, well, how nimble can a robot be. So, deh, spidey wins. And who can beat spider instinct!

Hard to not please when I haven’t got any expectations for Iron Man in the first place. Haha.

Think the taking-off pose to be a little prissy and sissy for Iron Man though. Though realistic.

VIew from the Top

... is not that amazing.

And Singapore actually spent S$240million on this (crappy) mega ferris wheel when you can easily climb up and down in a skyscraper planted in the city to take in “breathtaking, panoramic views”.

Misleading picture from the official website, which shows clear glass panes for you to take photos from within!

Looks really fun and all, but that’s all to it. The main thing is that it seems ‘fun’ from the outside. Basically when you’re inside, it’s like being in a space capsule, or a LRT carriage crawling in space at a snail-like pace, in circles.

And I was stuck in the capsule for 30 minutes for the capsule to go round one time. The view changes in perspectives but ultimately, they are the same fields, same trees, same buildings, same roads, and same people stuck in the capsule. We circled within the capsule for the first 5 minutes upon boarding, and when our enthusiasm wore thin and shifted its attention to dinner (which we won't have till we alight), we camwhored a little for the remaining 25 minutes.

A bored and sick supervisor of mine and me

Actually, it wouldn't be so bad if the speed is 10,000 times its present speed. I know I know, it's not The Inverter from the theme park.

Well, I can’t complain that much. At least this ride is complimentary on my company. (And thank goodness it is.) Just that... I am supposed to write an (indicated by my CEO) ‘objective’ report on the ride. Gua gua gua. Now, what should I say? I look at the city's landscape (albeit a little tiny) for free everyday.

The horizon of houses and the city's landscape from my home for free everyday. And the blurry view from within a dirty streaked glass (that doesn’t do much for camera flash. I actually picked the best ones).

Yawn.

That’s why I have to air the negativeness here before I write up that report. Makes my ‘report’ feels complete. Makes space for positiveness (crap).

Okay, I shall go write up the nice bits now in my report.

A kiss for you, my Ass.

Okay, today is the day that ends that “one month”.

Goodbye, Ass. See you in three months! *kiss*

Feeling... nostalgic?

I am actually watching clips of 90210.

-_-

Outta Singapore

I can barely sustain my excitement as May draws nearer. I can’t wait to get to Tokyo!!!!!!

As my trip inches closer to me, Ass will be already gone in Luxembourg. Today I realize that she’s going to be gone NEXT FRIDAY!! To only dawn on that after my uncontainable excitement for my own trip - shame on me. I naively thought that day she leaves for Luxembourg will always be “a-month-away”.

:(

I am going to miss you, Ass!! What about our lunches?! And who’s going to pester me to have soya milk + chin chow (to induce your period) after lunch? 3 months has 60 working days!

And you will be away in Luxembourg when Kay and I turn ‘quarter-of-the-decade’!!

I feel excited for the adventure you’re going to have and *a little* worried for your safety, being all alone in a foreign albeit beautiful place. But I think you’ll just need to get used a little before enjoying the 3 months you never had in your life! Who knows, it could be the most beautiful segment in your entire life man.

Hai, take care my friend. And do send us more than just postcards (and keychains). I'll see what I can do with 8-days. LOVE YOU!!!

I was an Empress!

I was Empress Cao Jie! Based on my gender, blood type and date of birth.

Cao Jie was a daughter of the powerful warlord Cao Cao, who by 196 had Emperor Xian under his control and issuing edicts in Emperor Xian's name to his own benefit in his campaign to reunite the empire, which had been held by regional warlords. In 213, Cao, who by that point had been created the Duke of Wei (later Prince of Wei), offered three daughters to be Emperor Xian's consorts -- Jie and her older sister Cao Xian (曹憲) and younger sister Cao Hua (曹華). Initially, their titles were Furen (夫人), and in 197 the titles were upgraded to Guiren (貴人).

In 214, Emperor Xian's first wife Empress Fu Shou was discovered to have advocated a conspiracy against Cao Cao in 200, and although 14 years had elapsed, Cao was still so angry at her that he forcibly had her deposed and executed. In 215, Cao Jie was named empress to replace her.

Whatever! I was an empress in the Three Kingdoms era! A replacement empress is still an empress.

Bet I was a stunner too. And intelligent too, being Cao Cao's daughter.

HA!

That explains why I am a mean evil bitch sometimes in this lifetime given how Cao's reputation is.

But agaaaaain, I'm no intelligent stunner in this lifetime.... Only the negative characteristics remain?

No more..

prawning for me.

I'm no vegan but it's really hard to see them wriggle their many little legs for their lives as they got poked by satay sticks from their behinds.

But I still ate them anyways, with evil Shi.

At least, this time, triple dating with Shi and Kum seems less awkward. At the expense of 18 prawns (3 hours and $90.00).

HU!!!

Played mahjong last night with JX, my aunt and my giggly-crazy cousin. All of us are noobs. FUN. There were many bloopers and screaming. So totally un-pro. Haha...

And then I came across this picture of dolls playing mahjong. Damn funny.

Eh, one tile missing.

Wa, crappy tiles. chantastic said that this doll doesn’t know how to read Chinese. She pretends to know, so she wouldn’t be left out. Haha!!!

Reminds me of Kum, and how I and Shi tried to teach her mahjong so we have kaki to play with. In the end we gave up because we knew what she wanted, or had gotten '万' tiles whenever she referred to the list of numbers in Chinese we had written for her. And so without kakis, my potential is buried with no practice. HAHA?!

I think I am getting hooked. Hiak.

2 more months

...to CFA level 1 exam and, I have yet to do anything about it yet. Never have I been so ‘unready’ for an examination. Hey, there are 7 yellow-pages-thick-kinda-textbooks and I, well, have myself to blame for the procrastination.

Die lo.

And now that my boss told me that the management has approved for me to go on a course and that it is examinable at the end of the year – my doom is sealed.

And they said that I have to top the course.

-_-

Siao. When ever did I get ‘first’ in anything related to studies? Ok, if you think getting top in the cohort in Kindergarten 2 counts? Oh, and top in literature in Secondary 2. But literature... you needn’t kinda study? I think. That’s why I like literature, I think.

Looks like I have to really sit down and start my studying but look what I am doing now.

Maybe I should spend lesser time playing Audition. :(

Today...

I saw a man bringing his bagful of donuts carefully across the road while not caring less for his heavily-pregnant wife who was lagging behind.

Come on, he was holding up the bag of donuts in mid-air chest-level in front of him like it's some... some... saintly, pure, sacred thing?

Wind, water.

I think the fengshui at my workplace must be really bad.

Presumably the 6th Leap Year in my life?

No biggie. I didn't understand why in the world there exist a day that only appears once in 4 years when I was in a kid. And now.

Couldn't understand why the year is calculated the way it is. Why did even February turn out to be such a short month too along with the 30-day months when there are 31 days for January, March, May blah blah blah.

I figured I was an irritating "Why why why" kid to the adults then (now termed as "The Old").

But not like I understood it then and even, now. Cos I reckoned that there wasn't any use asking because the adults didn't know the answer to my questions too, then I stopped asking and became a likeable kid.

"A leap year (or intercalary year) is a year containing one or more extra days (or, in the case of lunisolar calendars, an extra month) in order to keep the calendar year synchronised with the astronomical or seasonal year. For example, in the Gregorian calender, February would have 29 days in a leap year instead of the usual 28. Because seasons and astronomical events do not repeat at an exact number of full days, a calendar which had the same number of days in each year would, over time, drift with respect to the event it was supposed to track. By occasionally inserting
(or intercalating) an additional day or month into the year, the drift can be corrected. A year which is not a leap year is called a common year."

????... Whatever. I'm no astronomer.

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I have absolute low tolerance on people who cut queues - young or old. I confronted this 60-ish lady who blatantly cut the bus queue right in front of me. Trying not to be rude, I factually said "Auntie, the queue goes behind."

She has to know that right? The people behind her are transparent ah? And she dare say...

"I am queueing for 55 lei."

And then we're not? I repeated, "Yes, this is the queue for 55."

Knowing that I was pretty adamant having continued to talk to her, she moved - right behind me. Cutting the queue which is behind me.

She just wants to cut queue right? Still act blur, said she didn't know it's the queue for 55 huh? GAH!!!

Fine, the guy behind me doesn't want to be as bitchy as me, so I let her be. (It's cos of people who don't speak up, but let people cut their queue - they grumble inwardly but do nothing about their situation. And these cutters knowing that they can most likely get away (unless they meet a bitch like me), that this queue-cutting perpetuates!

And of all days, my mom came by. Apparently we took the same train back home. And she shouted cheerfully, "Hey, can let me cut queue? Lemme join you?"

-_-!!!

"Well, you gotta ask the people behind me..." And OK, my mom sulked a little and joined the queue behind. If she didn't and happily cut the queue... well, I think I might be pelted by grocers with eggs bought from J8's Cold Storage. "Act righteous huh? Bullshit ah!" -pelt pelt-

The queue eventually moved and the auntie stepped on my slipper. Fine, it might be accidental. And then...

She got really excited when she got up the bus. She started shoving left and right when we're beeping away at the entrance. She kept shoving in such a hurried manner, I was like "THAT'S IT AUNTIE!"

Of course I didn't scream that, I just droned "Auntiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee..." with an exasperated sidelook at her.

Not like she heard me anyways. She probably chanting to herself "Mustgetaseatmustgetaseatmustgetaseat".

And there are many many seats. -_-

What's the rush ah? The seats won't run away.

Come on, if there aren't, I will give up my seat for you. Cos you're an elder. But be a gracious person before you expect anyone to be gracious to you? And to me, you look like you're really fit and in good health to fight the way you did for seats.

I think I found it -

YuanYang-C / Kopi-C makes my bowels loose. Yipee!

..definitely easier than enema and laxatives.

What the..

...same guy as below.

Why did his spindly brows make him look feminine, and I masculine!

Brow ow.

I now know what I look like -

A Japanese guy with really thin brows.

Toshimasa Hara

Can you see his spindly brows? Heck, he looks more feminine than I do.

Kay will probably beg to differ. She will say that I look just like an evil AH LIAN. But I thought I looked a little... like a guy now.

...I didn't know that eyes can look 'bald'.

Losing Touch.. I mean, Lost Touch.

Wanted to draw something cheery and wish everyone Happy Chinese New Year. But... all is a blank.

I was inspired by a blog full of pictures drawn by the blogger and decided to, er, reconnect with something that I have long forsaken for computer games, work and tv.

I HAVE LOST IT!

This is sad. I can no longer draw. :(

....

Anyway, good luck with your Black Jacks and Mahjong and Ang Bao-collection!

Campaign - Seats for the Elderly

MyPaper, 05 Feb 08.

I can't imagine. Other than countless "Please stand clear of the yellow line", "Please MIND the GAP."and "Please look out for any suspicious-looking items...", this self-proclaimed 'person-who-needs-seats-more' is suggesting that MRT add on another chant.

"PLEASE GIVE UP YOUR SEATS TO PEOPLE WHO NEED THEM MORE, YOU SELFISH PEOPLE. I KNOW YOU ARE FAKING YOUR SLEEP AND PRETENDING THAT SOMETHING'S INTERESTING IN YOUR NEWSPAPERS!"

That will keep the MRT public announcement system very busy and chatty.

Why do seniors think that seats should come naturally to them because of their age, instead of appreciating those who gave their seats up for them?

...

A campaign of 'Giving up Seats' won't work. It's not like people didn't know in the first place. They have instead chosen not to. And that is something innate in them. (Note: "They", "Them".)

Resuming of Em's Blog

I like the ease of modifying my blog's layout! No more frowning at html codes and countless previewing the site to see if I did it right. Yeh!

Shocked to see that I have 120 posts in year 2005 while I have a miserly 13 in year 2007. Laze has taken a major role last year. And bad luck. Lots of bad luck.

Anyhow! Chinese new year is coming, soooo... even though I am the CNY-grinch, I look foward to changing my luck for the next year. But I still don't fancy screeching er-hu's and crashing cymbals from every shop trying to out-screech/crash each other. And the CNY music videos are really tacky. My eyes get really tired from rolling throughout the mtv. For some reason, CNY tunes are really haunting and won't leave my head alone. And now, JX has one more chance to irritate me. (Other than 青春123... Ultimate.)

Says that the year of the Rat is not that great for me either. But judging how it was for the year of the Pig, anything could be better... er, right?

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P.S. (Kay, P.S. means post-script!) - I think I have just revived my blog because... I have to study for my CFA. Hur hur. Studying has a way of making you do all other things except to, well, study.

"Gong Hei Fatt Choi!!" ("I replace the Skinny Rat cos he's evil.")

P.P.S.: Took down the picture of the Skinny Sweating Rat and its greetings to you - supposed to be bad luck. I knew something was wrong - he was sweating so profusely. Oh no, I don't know whether it has already affected my luck for next year!

The Scandal (of the moment)

TVB going Hollywood-style-trashy.

One stupid guy with a fetish of taking pictures while in the act. And so many high-profile female celebs. Literally photowhoring.

Shi, I bet you won't be looking at your Edison Chen's poster in your bedroom in the same way again.

Back with a Vengeance

There were so many things that had happened in between the last post and this one. I just thought that I should, you know, put them down, because they will be worth a read many many years down the road. Not that I will ever forget anyway.

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In summary:

Fainting spells. Old woman praying for me. Her ointment. JX worried like mad. Clinic. Referred to hospital. Weird results. Admitted. Pricked. Tears of pain and helplessness. Tired night. Woke up to a X-ray scan. Bathed. With a drip. Nurse and needle. Fell into fits. Passed out.

A week passed. Drifted in and out. Consciousness. ICU. Dull shock. Stiff and slow. Bloat. Pain. Blood. Dialysis. Helplessness. Gritting in pain. Breathlessness. Fear. Of the dark and being alone. Beeping machines. Cords. Pills. Checking nurses. Warm smiles. Family. Friends. Insomnia. Uncomfortable pillow. Cold nights. Fever. Doctors in the morning. Flowers. JX everyday. Everyone looks tired. Daddy everyday. JX holding my hands. Comfort. Making my first ardous step. Slow. Unsteady. Heavy. Happiness. Sitting up in a chair. Finally water. Finally food. Lime sherbet. No food and water again. Food and water. Teaspoons of water. Porridge.

Normal ward. Exasperation sets in. Tears of helplessness. Despair. Torturous slow trips to the toilet. Encouragement. Depression. Low. Needles. Falling hair. Bloated weight 65kg. Inconsiderate neighbouring patient. No appetite. Soup with rice. Fever. Stiff neck and back. Pain. MRI scans. Sleepless feverish nights. Cold, hot. Weight plummeted. 50kg. Looking forward to JX every night after his work. Fever. Last day. Fever subsided. Happiness. Stepping out. Cab. Tears of joy when I see my home. Familiarity.

Weak. Rashes. Itch. Weight dropped to 46kg (or less?). Stick-thin. Butt-less. Cushions wherever I sit. Laughing at the Mocca guy. Computer games. Afternoon naps. Telephone calls. Introduction to FB. JX everyday. Sleeping with Mom every night. Bird's nest. Itch. Calamine lotion. Hives. Tiger balm. Walk to the park. Slow. Waking up from itch. Going out with JX and family. Happiness. Eating out. Itch subsided. Marks. Finally working. Back to my life how I used to live. Minus the gyming.

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How I got through all that, I don't know. I didn't have much of a choice but to just grit and bear it. I am lucky. To have been able to come out of it unscathed. It could have been a lot worse. An unfortunate thing, but I have learnt to count my blessings. To have Shilin, Kum, JX and my family. And my friends from MT... Being all there for me to prop me up when I lost it completely and threw myself in despair because I was too anxious to get well, yet I didn't see any turn for the better. My experience - fearful and painful. But what my friends, JX and my family went through... I would not be able to fathom. The fear of losing me forever, the fear of me being reliant on machines for survival even if I pulled through, their anxiousness, their fears completely different from mine. I was unconsciousness where I presumbly suffered the most pain. But they were there to witness everything. Am I lucky to be in my shoes than theirs?

Friends asked me how do I feel then, what were my thoughts, having had such a close shave with death. There weren't much actually. I just want to live. I just feel, if my life was really snuffed out at age 24, it was all too a waste. What have I done to have really live? There are so many things that I have set out to do, but haven't got down to any yet.

But really, take it easy... I slog because I want to do well in my career. And I probably went overboard in MT. Those days, were spent without my family, not so much with JX, not so much with my friends. But what's the point? You need money to survive but nothing else really matters, except to have your life, and people who love you. Ultimately.. they're the most basic things that matter. But are often, sadly, taken for granted till it's too late. I am fortunate in this sense, to have a 2nd chance to make it right. Not many can.

Therefore the need to pen this down. I am fearful that a few years down the road, will wash down this chapter, desensitise myself and neglecting myself and loved ones because of my pursuit in recognition in my career.

Shilin and Kumeri> I love you girls... You cheered me up tremendously each time you two popped into my ward. You're my bestest pals. Donating blood even when Kum is underweight (being insistent and all) and Shilin being needle/pain-phobic. I can't express how touched I am. -hug-

JX> My dear, you are my pillar of support. It must be really difficult for you. To stay strong and taking care of me day and night when I was away in outer space, although you were crumbling inside. For the pain that you have gone through, I am so sorry. I know I mean the world to you. I love you baby. For staying by me. For not minding how I look, how I may be affected in any way after this episode. For loving me the way you do. -hug- You sure earned a lot of brownie points with my family and friends. Isn't the best way to introduce our families to each other, but well, it saved some initial embarassment, didn't it? Your parents took pains to visit me each night as well. Giving me encouragement and showing concern... I am grateful. For the countless kiwis too.

Mum, Dad> For taking care of their girl who was reduced to being a bag of potatoes on bed, thank you Mummy, Daddy. I wouldn't know the impact of having to hear that your child may be lost forever, but it must be really hard and painful. Physically and emotionally, I know you were really stretched. I have said so in the hospital, I say it now, I am sorry...

Jo> We drifted apart, and weren't on the best terms that sisters can be. But I saw you, sad, concerned and reassuring. Probably your gentlest times with me. We got closer. And you said, that through this, you realised the contemplation of losing me forever came with a heavy impact. I am grateful for the comforting words that you reassured... Made me feel so much better about myself.

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I am blessed, actually.

Dancing Bush

Freaking hell. That's not how a president should behave. Or dance.

Ronald MacDonald's teenage daughter

It's time for Ronald to retire.

Although I thought his daughter would be very much fatter than this.

Any day other than today will be a better day.

Yippee!!

All done. Over. Full-stop. Period.

At the end of today, when all's done, I finally realized how strung up I was for the past few days. Did I bloody ask for it? You bet.

But will I kick myself for it? Maybe... not.

You know when you complain how lowly paid you are comparing to the amount of workload and working hours you put yourself through, and someone tries to encourage you by saying, "Well, you gain skills, knowledge. And that is something that no one will be able to ever take away from you. That is yours!" Wow, that's great! I don't deny that- but can that be eaten? And I didn't know that companies can "take away" your deserved monthly pay if they see deem fit. I can work with that amount of workload, gain that extra set of skills and knowledge, and still be better paid.

-_-

I mean, be practical la. You can stay for a while, thinking that way, thinking that you gain more than the company gains from you slogging - but you try thinking that way for years, you're stupid. your naivety has gone to the extreme. you're probably too lazy to find a job.

Can you imagine, while you're being altruistic and all, thinking the company is so darn proud of you, slogging 2-3 persons' jobs, getting 1 person's (low) pay; the company is thinking, "That's a great worker! Helps me save costs, and yet so cheap! Good thing he's staying on. Well, let him think that we're letting him gain exposure!"

Hahaha.

The cruel truth? That's Capitalism, my dear. With a capital C.

Shall we become farmers you say? That will be ideal, won't it? Till maybe, the government wants crop tax.

That being all said - aren't we all sadly, in the damn rat race still? Despite all the complaints, whinings, groanings, sighings, and all sounds of frustration and stress.

Well, at least, I am. Like, still harbouring the sickening glimmer of hope in the bureaucratic, corporate world. That's why I asked for the extra workload. Since I am not going to kick myself, maybe someone do it for me?